MEMOIR

I can almost feel my heart break into pieces bits by bits, slowly and the pain is excruciating. I don’t know how to deal with this; I thought I was over losing people I care about. How do I go about this?  My heart is aching; I can’t seem to shake this feeling off.

Today started like every other day, the battle with insomnia, 5am already, trying every trick in the book so I can fall asleep.

I hear my phone ring, I let it ring some more, missed the call and then called back when I saw who the caller was. I felt guilty about not calling in the past few weeks. I had this sudden urge to not care anymore about anyone but myself. I just wanted to be selfish for a bit, it was a new year; I just wanted to do me. I felt like I devoted myself a lot to too many people, I felt drained. So I ignored a lot of people I cared about especially this caller. I just couldn’t care anymore about keeping in touch. I had reached my breaking point.

I had this in my head and I ran with it, this was going to be my excuse. I needed time for myself.  I finally hear a voice at the other end. In the coldest tone I asked all the random questions. To which she replied but there was something different in her voice. She sounded strange; I assumed it was a ploy to make me feel bad. Always on the defensive I laid out my case, trying to play smart and shift blames. “Where have you been? I know you tried to reach me many times but I was so busy dealing with other things…” I tried to make her feel bad and after going on and on about how I abandoned I felt, when I was done. All she said was “dude I am dying’.

I still can’t believe it, not another person I care about. All this while I was so selfish, thinking just about myself. My closest friend. In pains. She was diagnosed with a terminal illness and she has less than 2 weeks to live. I suddenly remembered the times i acted cold on the phone, some days I avoided her calls because I was so stressed out from other activities of the day. And now I am about to lose her.

I don’t know how to deal with this at all. It took me over two years to deal with losing my buddy whilst serving in Kano and now I am about to go through this again. Fucking ridiculous. Fucking ridiculous. I haven’t seen her in 3years. I can’t even express how my heart feels right now. I am in so much pain. Not again, not this time. I feel like shit right now. I might not recover from this. If it were possible to drop everything I am doing now, buy my ticket to Nigeria and stay by her side, I would do that. It just hurts to the point that I can feel physical pain where my heart is.

I begged her not to leave me, I asked her to stay. Wait a bit; she can’t just go like that. This is painful but it can’t be compared to the pain she is feeling now.

Flashbacks of memories and moments passed, Watching videos of her posted on my Facebook wall, I am not ready to say goodbye just yet. I can’t say goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye.

I don’t know how to control how I am feeling; I just can’t lose her now.  Not like this.

I wish she could stay.

REASON WHY MEN CHEAT

DISCLAIMER: This post is JUST AN OPINION, i do not support cheating or encourage straying but i intend on making us understand certain things we choose to ignore or deny. Alot of people wont agree but then... Please do enjoy reading this

People still wonder why men stray from a perfect relationship and settle for something less presentable to the outside world, why men would give up a loyal girl and chase after loose women, why men would ruin a perfect happy relationship for a meaningless fling or crush?? This is not because he does not have what he truly wants or that he is not truly satisfied but because it is man's nature to always sometimes want more, be adventurous and want to try something new. A careful research explains why most men stray because of the unending war between old pussy and new pussy.  Let me break down the terms for better understanding. Old pussy refers to pussy that is loyal, pussy that you are used to, pussy you are accustomed to, pussy you have been wifeyng up for a period of time, old pussy refers to pussy that would not embrace new techniques because of the comfort of old good techniques and sticking to it. Old pussy which is also known as the loyal pussy would put her man's happiness first, patient enough to deal with his drama and the bullshit that follows from his reaction to his bruised ego, cater to his everyday need, place him first before others, always supportive of his decisions even when they sound unrealistic, now this makes you wonder any man with a woman/girl that has all these qualities consciously throws its all away by going for new pussy also known "forget about me after the deed is done". Old pussy sometimes does not welcome change because they already know how it ends from the beginning and they are fine with it, there is hardly any excitement. Old pussy sometimes does not need teasing and as such you do not get to enjoy it with every given opportunities. Old pussy is predictable and sometimes a prude.

New pussy comes in different forms; the new girl at the office, new neighbour, new member of your association or club, the sexy lonely girl dancing in the club, the new girl you met on the train, at the airport, shared a cab with. New pussy is anything that is not old pussy. New pussy is adventurous and would definitely do all the things that old pussy would not do. New pussy is willing to try controversial styles and position just to please you. New pussy comes with it disadvantages, though the thrill comes from the chase, new pussy can be hard to satisfy because of their constant insatiable need. New pussy cannot be tamed. New pussy is not ride or die like old pussy, new pussy never stays loyal; they only have one aim, give you something new. New pussy never last because with time new pussy turns into old pussy and the search for a fresh new pussy begins taking you back to where you started from, having an old pussy to chill with. They say it is a man's world, which i strongly disagree and most recently a famous pop star had the rest of the world believing girls rule the world 

I absolutely do not agree with this and neither am i saying its a man's world but i do not deny the effect a new pussy has on a man and HOW it affects his world in general, a bit contradictory but if we are honest, nobody wants to manage old things we have or own, there is a constant need for renewal. We all want new things. Citing the fashion world as a reference point, no matter how much you love your old favourite pair of denim pants, you can not help but not want a new pair, though there is a sentimental attachment to the old pair, a new denim would not hurt a bit. Even love cannot stop the transition from old pussy to new pussy.... a loving happy relationship can not either, we are all fighting a battle. Some people are good at controlling their transition process and stay committed to old pussy but you cannot deny that in your heart, there is no desire to try something new. And this does not affect men alone, every now and then, a woman would crave for a new cock though comfortable with the old special kind of cock that would probably make her cum several times in a row (good luck to those who are truly gifted), but it cannot be compared to trying a new cock completely different from the loyal committed cock they are used to. A battle of NEW vs. OLD. When i say love cannot stop the transition to new pussy, i mean love can not act as a bullet proof to wade off the desires of having new pussy. New pussy knows how to get you in a tight corner or spot; working late or just having lunch that turns into a daily routine, watching movies at the cinema. New pussy understands your weakness, embraces it and provides temporary solace and comfort. Ever wondered how come it is only when you are not in good terms with your significant other, a new pussy is just lurking around the corner ready to pounce on you the attention you so bad crave for. Few men really intend on staying committed to their loyal pussy but they lack the proper tactical skills on how to say NO to new pussy offered on a steak with extra gravy. We understand that sometimes it baffles our mind as to how a man would creep on his model like girlfriend with someone less deserving, the truth is new pussy may not be entirely beautiful, perfect, sexy, a fashionista, eloquent. New pussy just feels "NEW". A loving relationship is not a magical force field that protects you from new pussy. So how do we deal with this new pussy pandemonium?? a lot of (okoro's) young brothers be getting married so they stay committed and not stray but usually that does not work because new pussy has no respect for commitment, marriage, relationships, soul mates. New pussy is toxic and an also addictive. Posing as a relieving aid to get us off that edge of frustration or boredom. The key here is discipline. Not necessarily the ability to cut yourself off people, isolating yourself to a circle of few friends you can trust, that does not help either. New pussy can come in different forms, even the friend you really trust. Point blank, any pussy you have not had yet, is a new pussy. 

Discipline is the key, the inexplicable strength to walk away empty from a room full of gold. Discipline does not deny the existence of new pussy, it accepts the reality of new pussy coming in different forms with practical situation that is almost impossible to walk away from. Discipline helps you control the urge, it helps with not acting on your desire to want new pussy not because you can not have it if you really wanted it but because you DO NOT NEED IT! Hence it is of no value to you. Oh and if you so bad crave for some new pussy, try spicing up your old loyal pussy with new tricks, techniques, go on sexual retreats.. it is a technical process known as pussy conversion. Try something new!  Peace!

140 Characters

This post is dedicated to everyone who has caught real feelings on twitter. Cheers!

140 characters was all It took for me to love you. 140 characters reminded me of how much reading your timeline is the highlight of my day.

140 characters lead my heart to you, in the most unlikely situations where my day takes a different turn; all I need to do is read your 140 characters. Some days they are less and some days they are more, but I still fall in love with it.

I still remember searching for your handle, I still remember zooming out on your avatar and going through your pictures, how I kept telling myself I have found the right person to connect with. I won’t lie, I fell for your beauty but I fell in even more after I read your 140 characters.

It is funny how I can feel this way about someone I have not physically met but I feel close to you with your 140 characters. Every tweet, every retweet. Though we are many miles apart, but my heart is connected to you, your 140 characters.

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to bask in your 140 characters, my very own obsession. Sneaking my phone into meetings just to browse through the series of your 140 characters, in church while the service is going on scrolling through your TL, reading every word of your 140 characters, acting like I am concentrating on my mobile bible or taking notes down, monitoring your TL, making sure our 140 characters can relate to each other. 140 characters.

In the words of Keisha white’s song “weakness in me”… to you I gave my affection right from the start. You got my heart on lockdown with your 140 characters.

Some days it feels like we are having conversations, your 140 characters meets up with my 140 characters in the middle. We don’t mention each other but it feels like our 140 characters are talking.

I know how crazy it sounds; I know how surreal it feels. This is not real but my heart skips many beats whenever I read your 140 characters.

Your 140 character that is a reflection of you and your ever so beautiful mind.

I get to know how you are feeling, how your day is going, I get to interact with your mind implicitly.

When I am in the midst of people, I find myself checking for new updates on your 140 characters. Listening to my favorite song and reading your 140 characters, even when I log off, I sign in back just because I need to see your 140 characters.

“I am lost without you, I can’t help myself”. My world is centered on your 140 characters. Your 140 characters are funny, real, heart felt, naughty, true, facts and sometimes just bants but I can relate to them at any level.

140 characters, who would have thought mere words can make a mortal wish for immortality, A chance to read your 140 characters forever.

I really want to reply to your 140 characters by telling you how I feel but I fear you may misunderstand my intentions. Stories of people trying to get it with 140 characters, setting p’s, leaving heartbreaks behind, playing with emotions. I just want to know if by any chance, my 140 characters and your 140 characters can add up and make 143.

140 characters define how I feel for you, I don’t need to write you a long love letter, 140 characters are just enough.

140 characters left my love speechless, if only you could hear the harmony my heartbeat sings to the thoughts of you.

I get jealous sometimes when I read other tweets where your handle is mentioned. Where, out of the goodness of your heart you reply also. I wish I was bold enough to say exactly how you make me feel, what you do to me, how you affect me, how you make my earth shake, how often I read your 140 characters and go breathless.

I hope to be more than 140 characters to you and if that happens, I pray we never forget how we started, 140 characters.

The Truth

They say losing a loved one is the most hurtful experience to ever go through and i strongly agree. They say it gets easy with time but it never does, time makes it even hard to deal with their absence. They say we need to be strong, how do we even do that when all we are left with are memories of them. It never gets easy, the fact that we know we may never see them again.... Makes us regret not spending enough time with them when they were alive. We recount those moments where we were too busy with other things in our lives to even check up on them, those moments where they call us and we are too busy to call them back, those moments where we plan on how we intend on taking time off to see them... We are just left with regrets, it is too late to even right that but some people don't even get the chance to have such regrets, all they are left with is the piercing pain, they never expected to lose a loved one. Life is so precious and yet so fragile, no one is guaranteed tomorrow but we only stay alive by Gods grace. Regrets or not, moments filled with what could have been, no one is ever prepared to lose a loved one. We are forever left with a memory of them, activities, places, songs, food, scents that remind us of them. We never truly come to terms with losing them. Even after years pass by, their absence is deeply felt. Coming to terms with Losing someone you love is never easy. No one would truly ever understand that pain and we do mot wish it on others. We cry when we think about them not because we are weak but because in our memories, they are still full of life. We cry because we miss them. All the words we wish we could have said to them, telling them how much we love them.... We cry because we wont ever have such opportunity to express how content we are to have them in our lives. We cry not because we are weak but because they meant something to us. Losing a loved one is the worst kind of experience to go through but we know, even if we cant bring them back to life, they still live on in our memories. To the immortal memories of a lost loved one.

THE TITLE: PAIN OR PLEASURE

A title is only as good as the relationship you are in, sometimes we want the title for the sake of our ego.
A lot of people would not agree to this but it is OK, the truth from my opinion would still be told.
The title, this is the official term given to people who are emotionally committed to a relationship. This makes everything official and real, indirectly delegating responsibilities to the people involved and the roles required of them to play. As constructive as the aforementioned definition may sound, note the key words "responsibility and roles".
So does giving titles mess a relationship up? if i am allowed to be honest, every woman would want to know her place in a man's life, what role they are playing, how important are they, their worth and value. sometimes women consider title as the foundation and basis of a relationship hence putting men in tight corners, spotlight, forcing them into relationships they find hard committing to. she wants to know her status, girlfriend or mistress?  Call me your girlfriend so i can play the part, makes me wonder if it is a movie, play or drama.
This does not only apply to women alone, men also crave for the title, they feel it tells them where they fit in, what they can expect from the relationship.
I am not saying giving titles is bad but the obsession about having a title is what ruins a seemingly good relationship. I believe before you start off anything with anyone, you already know how it is going to play out, so i do not get why people act surprised along the way or leave because of a mere title.
Is having a title that important? Would it make the relationship last longer? Would it make you love your partner more?
I am not encouraging undercover love affairs  but if i am to understand this properly, giving your partner a title makes the relationship more official? official in what? giving your relationship a title, helps define it? really? If someone genuinely loves you, cares about you, faithful and committed to you, loyal to you, honest and truthful, trust worthy. Please where does the term "title" come in? Would the person  not be all of this even after the title, so what exactly is the role of a title in a relationship.
She is my girlfriend, he is my boyfriend, like they are your property to own. he/she is my boo thang, sugar ray, honey pot, honey boo, booboo. Cool story. No please go on.
Sometimes you may just have a good thing going and then when you start labeling it, it just make it almost like a burden instead of a blessing.
The obsession to give out titles, like that is the driving force in every relationship is sometimes surreal. i get it, you love your significant other but you are sure if they are for real when they give you a title, understand this calling someone a boyfriend/girlfriend is still just a made up word. People focus most of their energy trying to live up to that word, to attain that position, to be labelled as such, to be given that title. With or without the title, the relationship still goes on as long as your feelings are true. No matter how many times we label a white stallion with a sharp horn on its forehead as a "unicorn", unicorns still do not exist in this world.
My idea of a relationship, it really doesn't matter what you call each other as long as everyone knows what to do, without stress or drama. Feelings growing stronger everyday.
Recently, i almost got into a semi argument with someone i was close to, her point "i do not see the need to call a girl boo, babe, darling, sweetheart" if you are not dating her. This set me off, what sort of myopic mindset is this. How did we just assume calling someone pet names guaranty a relationship status. Never argue with a girl is my motto, so i simply replied that i have lived in the UK for almost three years and it would shock her to know a total stranger might just call you a pet name. It is part of exchanging pleasantries especially if its in a service delivery store. "hey darling, yes love, take care sweetheart".you don't believe me, Google any restaurant, shop in the UK and just call them. So if a store sales rep calls me darling or love, it means she is into me, i am her man lover, black African prince mandingo and we are in a relationship, Story
How can people just assume a title defines a relationship? If you do not call me your boyfriend then we are not dating, if you do not call me the title "girlfriend or boo" then this is not official. Pure BS to be honest. Or some might say Calling me boo makes me know that i am yours and you are mine, i never knew humans could also be acquired? MINE? really?
If you are in a relationship, you get treated with respect, love, spoiled with attention, never get cheated on, why else would you want to leave because of a title?
In my opinion, if someone can make you happy, hold on to them.
The obsession to have a title gives you sense of security, security from what? what is there to secure? alien invasion on your relationship? intergalactic war? sense of security how? i still do not get why people say that or it makes you know your place, your place? i can only assume you did not just move into your new place to have forgotten where it is, we have map apps to help us find your place.
If they call you boo or not, and your heart is no more in the relationship, the titles would not change anything, it would not fix things neither would it bring dead feelings back to life. Same thing goes for a situation where the title is given, it doesn't remotely affect how you treat the person you are with or how much you love them.
Title or not, a relationship is not defined  by it but by the people involved in the relationship.
Focus more on your partner or significant other than the pet names they call you or the titles you give them.
To be continued..........................

THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

The year was 2010, school work had completely taken over my social life. No friends just colleagues and suffice to say, living a boring life had become more acceptable. It was like the only choice, infact it was my only choice. Acceptance!! Wake up, live a boring life through out the day, hit the sheets at night as a boring guy, have boring dreams and start the boring day afresh again, the next day. 

During a late night session in the school library, a colleague and dear friend suggested we take a road trip to "Reading". Road trip? What happened to trains? It is just half an hour via train, so!!!! Somehow he confused me and then convinced me about the road trip and I was game. It was supposed to be roughly an hour by road but we eventually spent 4hours. We left London late, during rush hour. He was driving, he had his girlfriend at the passenger seat in front and me, I was at the back. 3 is a crowd like they always say but obviously when it comes to mad raves, the more the merrier. We were hitting Reading to party like rockstars. And yes, as a boring guy, I had no date. We somehow believe "there shall be a single girl at the rave to peruzz with".

About 45mins away from Reading, it was dark and the journey just seemed long. I needed to pee. Oh did I mention, we had 3 cocktail flask in the car that had concoction in them. Every guys knows the power of ether and urine. Bloody enemies. I politely asked my dear friend to stop the car, a brother had to pee. He refused, giving a crazy excuse. I figured the dude was scared because it was dark, he didn't want to spook his girlfriend out.

I couldn't hold it in, I needed to pee badly to which he went off on me, if I needed to pee that bad, I should pee in any empty flask. He was not stopping at all.

Some people do not undertsand the power of piss, I was already twitching, full body shaking like I was doing a new dance move, my toes were curling. This was it, the end of my life. And if they ask, how did it happen.. He passed out from holding his own piss. My bladder!! So I took the only option offered to me. I took a piss in the cocktail flask, I didn't check If it was empty or not. I didn't say a word in the car. I just emptied what I can only assume to be 50cl of pure concentrated man piss inside the cocktail flask. Ohhh sweet paradise, the joy, peace, serenity. The burden was lifted. We finally got to Reading and I did not tell him what I did or anyone. I planned on throwing the piss away but I forgot. Later that night, whilst in the company of other friends sharing stories and getting ready for the party. My friend decided it was time to finish his cocktail. 3 flask and I did not know which one had my concentrated man piss inside. So he took one of the flask, opened it (just so you know, everything at this point happened in slow motion). Poured the contents into a cup and drank it all, I was wishing it was indeed the cocktail. He made facial gestures and finally boasted on making the best cocktail. I was relieved, it wasn't my piss. He beckoned on the other friends to try it, 2 dudes and 2 girls drank from the cocktail flask, not too much but enough for everyone to have a sip except me. I opted out. When the cocktail flask he was holding was empty, he proceeded to open the remaining two. Lo and behold, they were empty. They all drank my piss. 3 grown ass men and 2 beautiful girls drank my piss.

Moral of the story, never leave London during rush hour. Traffic is mad that period.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH LILLY

A lot of boys would never admit to this, they still want to act macho to save face, so on behalf of the boys around the world that got played by a girl, sorry got beaten up by a girl. This is dedicated to you. Maybe different situations but the end result is still the same. I was physically abused by a girl.
This happened summer 2008, still a freshie. On the "I don't get to shit" grind. Omo butty boy. I met a girl from IUO. Had a borrowed flower name... "Lilly". I figured she was ok, skin glowed under the sun. Oral english on point. She was the definition of a hottie. Jackpot, I kept telling myself. So we had this summer fling that lasted for 4days and on the 4th day, I discovered how much of a fighter she was.
No matter what you do as a dude, never ever settle two girls fighting. It is not hot in any form. There is nothing sexy about it. The dangerous girls to watch out for are the short beautiful girls. They are walking canons. Back to my story, we were having drinks at sage (hotel/bar). Everything was going great, till another girl walked by, stopped, gave "lilly" the look.
Let me define the look, according to girls, they say the look can be seen as "I shall fuck every dude in your family and you can't do shit about it bitch" "who the fuck are you, I can probably feed you and your family for a year" and some other ridiculous definitions I shall not bore you with.
So this girl gives "lilly" the look and walks away. Lilly laughs out loud, whilst holding on to my hand real tight, I should add that, the bone that gives my left hand formation suffered minor fracture. In my head, I was like.. Shii is about to go down. With hot tears by the corner of my eyes. I didn't even realise when I called "Lilly" aunty.. Can I be excused? She then gave me the look.
The look as defined by a dude "if you leave, your balls would suffer" "dare walk away and no sex for you for a year" "I would cock tease you and then fall asleep leaving you with a hard on" or "whatever you decide to do, think about it carefully, this may be the last time you ever get to make such decision again because in the end, I still own your likkle ass, bitch." Jokes apart, you actually hear the word bitch in your head. Anyways, she gave me the look but a nicca had to hit the rest room real quick to escape all the tension and lament to the bathroom mirror on the already fractured bone, I was going to drop her home and never call her again. I was gone for 5mins when I heard a loud bang on the bathroom door. I came out, saw the bar man, he said "the lady you were with, has been asked to leave the bar" she is outside waiting for you. I did not even bother asking why. I paid the bill and walked out to meet her. Making my way to where I parked my car, I could see two girls going at it, screaming really loud. Words like "weyrey" "oloshi" "ode ni". I was astonished, ah what happened to my sweet Lilly, now a yoruba speaking warrior?? Did I mention Lilly was wearing this low cut top (I don't know the name girls call it) and something else I can only describe to be a jacket and the other girl had another shirt like material thing on. Oh well, in my head, I was like dude go separate them before it gets worse. Mind you, these girls were heavily equipped with mammary gland goodness. Perfect cue to be the perfect judge. The plan was to jump into the middle and end it all, maybe just maybe hold on to something soft for support.
All I can remember was stepping in, blanking out and 30mins waking up with a pounding headache.
I lost 30minutes of the fight that till date I don't even know why it started in the first place.
According to an eye witness (the bar man). Who followed me to make sure I got the girls to stop fighting after I paid the bill, he said and I quote "you got in to settle them and then the girl you were with got a bottle and then smashed your head with it" you fell to the ground chanting "Lilly why? Lilly why?" And then passed out and inbetween they stepped on you whilst still fighting. Got tired and then they made up!! The girl you were with got into the other girls car and they drove off.
I don't know how Lilly got a bottle, or do girls carry bottles in their bags?
Suffice to say, the girls disappeared and left me there on the floor.
I have been looking for Lilly since, because in my place of origin. If an elder falls to the ground because of you, a cow must be killed. I need my killed cow. Times are hard and for some reason I have been craving suya. Lilly, if you are reading this. You owe me a cow.
Moral of the story, if you see two fine girls fighting, please don't play the hero and separate them. Watch from a distance. If possible, buy pop corn, coke, get a chair, call other friends over and enjoy the show.