SEX OR LOVE: WHAT IS YOUR DRUG?

Sex, words alone cannot adequately describe the feeling or the experience.  The biting, screaming, moaning, scratching, nibbling, licking, sucking, swallowing, touching, fast or slow, up or down, in and out. If done right is quite addictive and also destructive. Sex indeed is a beautiful yet destructive and powerful drug. The desire to always want more, the need to try something new or have a new experience could be fodder for cheating. Although there is no cogent reason for cheating, explosive sex can lead to a serial affair with multiple partners.

In a relationship, what is more important, sex or love?

Some might argue to their last breath that sex is as important as love while others say sex could wield more control over a person / relationship than love. Suffice it to say that love and sex can control anyone as independent factors or when combined. In simple terms: love and/or sex can make people do a lot of crazy sh**t.

Why do people cheat? Perhaps something is missing, either the love in the relationship has gone cold turkey (no more sparks flying or butterflies flying) or the sex is nothing worth having anymore. It just got too boring. We find out that when people stay in a relationship for so long, they get too comfortable to be adventurous, they choose not to try new methods. Note the keyword “comfortable”. The need and desire for that raw animalistic pleasure, that fierce attraction one's partner is seemingly not capable of providing anymore pushes a good many to stray.

Regardless of how much they may love their partner, they still stray, “comfortable” is no longer cool. They want the risks,almost craving it to the point of madness. That feeling of avoiding getting caught, that rush and excitement sometimes tends to heighten the pleasure making it more addictive. It’s the choice of one drug over the other.

First time, I watched 'love and hip-hop Atlanta', I went to bed mad and furious. I was taking other people’s problems way too personal. A fascinating character in my own opinion gave a clear example of how sex as a drug can ruin love.  Although this said character has a baby with the love of his life of almost a decade yet he had strayed with the artist he was producing. The love he felt for his baby mama wasn’t enough to keep him in check. He needed that raw passion. Insanely enough, the girl he strayed with was a former stripper. Imagine the wild thoughts in his head, all the freaky things he would do to/with her. On countless occasions his baby mama wanted to walk away but he kept holding her back; his addiction to the 'sex drug' was taken full control over the effect of the 'love drug'. My argument, how do you forfeit the love of a lifetime for few hours of sex? What happens to the relationship?  He later tried to fix what he had with his baby mama but in reality, he would still stray because he is addicted to one drug, except his value system changes. 

Someone once said you cant have both, one has to rule over the other. Sex over love, love over sex. Just pure sex and no love, strictly love and no sex. One drug would always rule over the other. You can try to combine both drugs  and the effect is almost ecstatic but with time, one drug will rule over the other.

In modern relationships, partners have being able to distinguish the basis and foundation of their relationships. While others start off as sex partners or fuck buddies and end up lovers, in some less fortunate relationships they start off as lovers and end up as sex buddies and in rare cases they start off as lovers and have amazing sex to the point when even though the sex is a bit crappy, they hope their love for each other keeps it going.

The honest truth is you cannot always be in love with your partner all the time, the same way you cannot always have mind blowing amazing sex with them all the time. One drug for every situation, one drug would always have control over the other. Question is, what drug do you choose?

Can a relationship filled with love survive bad sex considering the amount of years put in the relationship but the partners have become too comfortable and yet they always seem to want more? Sadly it is difficult, especially with different distractions, stories and tales of amazing sex (or how to have amazing sex) thanks to the media, swinger-clubs and orgies. At the end of the day, it comes down to what drug they value more, sex or love?  Let me indulge you further, it is possible to be in a relationship and have crappy sex but decide to stay with your partner regardless because you value how they make you feel emotionally than how they satisfy you sexually. Some partners consider happiness to be the prime of a relationship, they would rather settle for someone who makes them happy, makes them feel safe, appreciates them in every way and not pay attention to how crappy the sex is. You find out most times this type of relationship is common amongst the oldies (older couples). Allow me to paint this picture and don’t judge. “Two 80 year old's can afford to stay happy and madly in love, even hoping they die together without ever considering the possibility of having sex and even when they do (consider they are old, they are fragile) and it is not animalistic and full of raw passion they still stay together in love, they choose love as a drug over sex.”

At the end of the day, your value system is the key. What drug do you value the most?

If in a relationship, sex is valued more and your partner is not giving you that raw passion or they are not what you expected them to be in the bedroom, chances are the relationship would eventually end on the premise that the sex was horrible even though you were madly in love with them, vice versa.

Great sex can never guaranty you love, since its basically based on physical attraction, what happens when you lose your looks? When your beauty fades? When you put on weight? Can you still keep the person that gives you amazing sex without any emotional attachment then?

What drug do you choose, sex or love?

Love as a drug can do wonders. 68% of women claim they only enjoy sex to the point of climax (that sounds old) with people they are in love with.  So this means, no matter how good you are in bed or at sex, for some women if they are not in love with you or feel anything emotional towards you, it might as well be a very boring series of event.  Like I said, 68%. I didn’t say all women. And that’s a rough estimate.

This may not work for everyone but they say if two people are truly in love, no matter how crappy their sex life is, they can always make it work. Put in more effort, having the notion in their hearts that “practice makes perfect”. Constantly trying to make it work till they get it right. Remember I said, love not sex. Love!

No matter your drug of choice, make sure in the long run you can be happy with your decision.  Good sex is not hard to find, great sex is as easy as having a one night stand with random people or strangers that leave you gasping for air, sweaty, out of breath and satisfied. What happens the morning after or when they have to go and you realize it was all about the sex, nothing more. You are left as lonely as you were before your passion filled night, alone trying to fill that empty void you thought sex could fill.

So ask yourself this, when push comes to shove, what would be your drug of choice...