CHEATING: EMOTIONAL versus PHYSICAL

Cheating, this word alone has destroyed great relationships and ended marriages. Sometimes it stirs up rage, anger, bitterness, depression and ultimately revenge.

More also, the act does not cause enough damage alone as much the effect on who is concerned and who is being cheated on. This raises the one million dollar question, why do people cheat? And for many years, researchers and observers have tried so hard to pin point the actual reason people go on with it. Some have blamed cheating solely on the man/male gender citing his insatiable desire for sex and others have further stated either the love in the relationship is gone or no more excitement, it is boring or simply both parties want something different. It has being an acceptable myopic yet totally false idea that all men cheat, which almost leaves the women population out of the question. Do women cheat also? And if they do, why?

Further more, from articles and stories from around the world claims have been made that the only reason a woman would cheat would be because she is not getting enough attention, care, love and so on.  But in all fairness, does it still make it right?

I often hear people say 99% of men would cheat on their spouses in the span of their relationship and the remaining 1% that is safe, happens to be VIRGINS, which by myth, hardly exist or appear every 100 years, just kidding but this is serious, in spite of all these reasons, no one has been able to figure out why people cheat.

What do you say is responsible for a man cheating on his loving, sexy and beautiful wife? Or a lady cheating on her caring and ever providing boyfriend? Do we overlook the fact that these people have all the rest of the world is searching for and yet jeopardize that by compromising all they have shared and built over the years? In my opinion, yes I said it; my opinion… people cheat because of greed. The need to want more or what I like to call the “oliver twist” syndrome, not being contented with what you have. You have it all, what more do you want? It still does not make up for half the nonsense people cite as reasons for infidelity.

Now I have your attention, ignore my personal views and sit back as we go HAM (hard as a mother*****) on this.

 Cheating can only be in two forms: emotional cheating and physical cheating. It is not my intention to sound bias but 80% of statistics have shown men are prone more to physical cheating and women, emotional cheating. So what then is emotional cheating and what is physical cheating? How do we handle it?

Emotional cheating implies no physical intimacy is involved and it is often referred to as the “affair of the heart”. It usually starts off from friendship and slowly with time builds into something solid. The emotional bond is often constantly built in/with time and effort. Constant meeting up and time spent away from your partner, sharing of intimate issues, problems, daily activities that may start off as a way of keeping in touch or breaking the ice. The need to share important dates, hang out or go sight seeing, build up memories and moments with someone else other than your partner, the emotional dependency (which may include happiness, joy, peace, laughter, comfort, sense of belonging and safety) on someone else other than your partner. In summary, it is when you invest emotionally into someone that is not your partner. It always, ALWAYS starts off innocent, either from just a compliment to drinking coffee at your favorite Starbucks, having a shared interest in a particular genre of music, book author, artist, art, movies. BBM conversations, Skype calls, SMS and phone calls.  It may start off with “just checking up on you and how did your day go?” and then you find yourself revealing deep things about yourself to them.  People often say that as long as sex is not involved then it is not consider cheating but it is. Emotions can create desires as well and when you get emotionally attached to someone other than your partner, whatever relationship you have with your partner slowly dies. You may even be in the same room with your partner and still emotionally cheat on them. Having this in mind, does this suggest that negligence from a partner can be the driving force for emotionally cheating on them??

An ex once asked me few years ago, what I would prefer, being emotionally cheated on or physically? As a man, I replied emotionally because I can never deal with the physical cheating but to my surprise she revealed she would rather much be cheated on physically, although it is never easy to forgive but with time you can deal with it but when it comes to emotional cheating, you have already ended the relationship in your head, maybe just too scared to walk away. Wow, that left me shocked. Few days later, we ended the relationship because she discovered I was emotionally attached to a close friend of mine, nothing sexual just in an uncomfortably close way. Further inquiry to how we got to that point showed how I stopped sharing with her my life and the activities in it, how I choose my phone above everything, always chatting and laughing away while she would be sitting in the same room as me, always calling just to talk to this “close friend of mine”, stay on Skype for hours discussing ideas on life, aspirations and dreams, setting up dates to see new movies, trying out new restaurants and so on… then the constant arguments with my ex started, we fought about anything and everything, guess who was on my speed dial afterwards? The same “close friend” and she would talk me into calming down and sometimes suggest ways of appeasing my ex. And then the denial that it was never anything more regardless of how emotionally attached I was, in my head I was in a loving relationship with my ex but in reality, I was emotionally involved with someone else. Bummer! 

I know what some of you readers may be thinking or let me just assume this, how could i emotionally depend on someone else when i was already involved in a relationship, let me shock you. For people who are still in relationships, at one time you may have cheated emotionally on your partner. think on/of this: all those moments where you would rather tell your "close friend of the opposite sex" about your problems other than your partner, that moment where you cant wait to get off work or go on breaks just so you can fill in the "close friend" about how your day is going, the calls just to say hi and end up talking for hours while you hardly call your partner, basically doing almost everything you would do with your partner but with your "close friend" instead, excluding sex. You have just emotionally cheated on them. we are all guilty of this! 

However you choose to analyse this, know that slowly but surely for every time you place your emotions (happiness, sadness, anger, joy, admiration, serenity etc) in the care of someone else other than your partner, you are creating a barrier between you and your partner. It may not be intentional but in due time, the effects may result to  deliberate actions. I am not against having people you can trust or talk to but only you can dictate the role they play in your life and how much you are willing to let them in.

With Physical Cheating, there is nothing much to define or explain here because as the name implies, there is physical intimacy. Sex is involved.  Men say physical cheating hurts more because it is in the nature of a man to relate to everything on a physical basis first. A man would not care who you talk to let alone have conversations with but he would be bothered about the number of other men that noticed you, your dress, your hairstyle or how many men made passes at you. There is always the need to mark our territory. Physical cheating would hurt a man more because in his subconscious, he has to relive every moment that led up to and after the cheating, studying carefully scene after scene and often ending with the conclusion that he was never good enough to keep the woman grounded. I think in every man’s head, physical cheating is a deliberate act; it is something you do with your eyes opened. It is premeditated and executed.

So where do we draw the line? A woman would sometimes if not always forgive a man for cheating on her physically but not emotionally and a man would forgive a woman for cheating on him emotionally and not physically. What the fuck is going on? This leaves you even more confused.

I am not limiting any form of cheating to a particular gender, having laid all my ideas on the table; anyone can cheat in any form given the situation of things or circumstance. It happens. But like I said in the beginning, sometimes it not about the act itself but the effects of the act, what it implies and how you react to it.

For whatever reason you may have for cheating, it is never good enough. It would have been better you remained single than to decide to start something beautiful, a beautiful love story and taint it with cheating.

In my opinion, cheating in any form is WRONG! It simply means you do not value your relationship. You place desire over responsibilities.

In conclusion, if you can save what you have left of your relationship please do. If ending it and starting afresh would make things right, please i encourage you do that also. If you are getting attached emotionally to someone else, only you can shut it down. Cheating in any form would hurt, definitely. Always protect the people you love. 

Please share your views on emotional cheating and physical cheating.