SOMETIMES IN MARCH....

I keep checking my phone and reading our chat carefully, I fear the next words we may say… Where did we go wrong?

All the promises made, vows exchanged. How do we get back the way it used to be before this? What went wrong?

Every surety, assurance, certainty.. Gone down the drain, where did we go wrong?

Looking at our pictures, and suddenly my mind drifts back to when we created those happy memories. Where did we go wrong?

I remember the first time I saw you, I never realised that I would be falling so hard for you in the nearest future, and now it feels like my heart is going to explode. Where did we go wrong?

You made me feel safe and now that feeling is gone, suddenly I feel so exposed. Where did we go wrong?

Are we done? Everyday feels like I have lost you. We pretend like everything is fine, actually believe it, end the night with “I love you” but when the sun ray hits our eyes, and we suddenly remember why we don’t want to be with each other anymore. How can you love someone so much and don’t want to be with them?

How can you want someone so bad but don’t actually want them.

I remember when I was ready to fight to stay in your life, ready to fight for you, gathering my arsenals and waiting to go off on anyone that threatened our happiness with their bickering and doubts but now, I fight to walk away from you, to walk away from this.

I remember our late night conversations, I remember our text messages, our sexting, our picture trade, voice mails and videos, I remember our emails, our songs but even with that, it felt  like we were holding on to a life that doesn’t include us.

I remember how you found me, in my lowest of lows, do you still think of me like you did in the beginning? What happened to our love?

Bombs going off in my chest, the heaviness in my heart, it bleeds. I can’t stop the pain, the hurt; I can’t stop the sadness I feel. Do I just walk away from you? Do I walk away from this?

You were my best friend, my confidante and now all of that is gone. I remember how excited I got every time I wanted to share the most ridiculous part of my day with you, my crazy insane moments, my thoughts, my dreams, my dark twisted imaginations. Now I just stay mute. We still have long conversations and yet we say nothing. Lips are moving but deep down we are silent. The silence so mighty, we go deaf. Unspoken words.

ARE YOU SATISFIED??

Happiness is everything!!

Love in all its forms is blissful and yet detrimental to those who choose to accept its complexities..

Growing up in a loving home, I was made to understand the value of marriage, settling down and starting a family. My dad once told me that marriage is like an institution and no one ever truly graduates. To be honest, that scared me a bit, made me wonder what being married would be like for me and whoever I choose to spend the rest of my life with.

Talking about marriage is quite sensitive so I would concentrate on the reasons why we shouldn’t get married in a hurry.

Statistics has shown that 99.9% of females that get to the age of 25years begin to subconsciously kill themselves silently as an act of desperation to get settled with their husbands. Not so much with the males, as we tend to think of how many zeros we can add to our account balance.

This made me wonder, what about their life purpose? The reason why they were born? What role do they play in this world, considering the amount of years spent during the course of staying relevant through education, sacrifices they made to pursue their dream and the amount of money spent to facilitate that course, was it all so they get married by 25? What is so peculiar about the age? If that was the primary aim, then we should all be illiterates and marriage should our saviour.

I am not against getting married, if you find someone that is willing to spend the rest of your life with you, fine but is that all life has to offer you? There is never really a right time to get married but we should never use the age factor or pressure from people to get into something sacred and then mess it up.

Back to the age factor, I understand that African women are built to age faster than the men so they consider settling down on time and having children, that I get but why rush into something and then don’t get it right. For instance, a girl gets married at 25 with hopes of having children early without actually taking time to study (understand, observe) whoever she is getting married to, 3 years in the marriage the man starts beating her, she has his child already and the only option is to walk out of the marriage for the fear of her life, marriage over at 28 with a baby, where does she go from here? How does she begin afresh? How many men would want to marry a single mother with child, whether or not he loves her, African parents are judgemental, it is part of their metabolism.. All they care about is what would people say?? If and when you start having children of your own, who is the rightful heir to your inheritance? A young girl’s life has just been put on hold because she considered the age factor and rushed into marriage. If the girl had known, wouldn’t it be easy to go to a sperm bank after becoming everything she always envisaged for herself and raise a child alone?

For the men, we would consider pressure from friends and family. 2 years ago my parents started singing the blues of marriage in my ear, 2 hours every day on the topic marriage. My son, my son, find a girl to settle down with. I have told them openly, I am not yet ready and thank God they respected my wishes but some men are not so lucky. They actually give in to make their parents happy and at the end become unhappy, taking it out on the woman they married like she was their biggest regret.

With the men, the age is never really a factor, what most parents care about is the joy to see their grandchildren before they die, at that moment; you just want to adopt a kid and present to them to get off your back.

For instance, a dude of 28 is pressured into marrying a girl he barely even knows, maybe he courted her for a year plus, so that should be enough right? Ehhh wrong!! Human are blessed with the ability of deception. He may not know her well enough to marry her but he does anyways because he feels that’s the only way the pressure would be taken off, she may hide all her flaws carefully and then after the wedding, everything begins to unfold or the man realises he is nothing close to being the man he promised his wife, They can’t take it anymore, so the best they can to do is to endure and pretend. Stay unhappy in the marriage. In the end, they convince themselves they are doing it for the kids, some even stay back drawing happiness from their children.

Lastly lets us consider the “moment” factor. This affects generally everyone who has ever loved or being involved in a relationship. It is best described as that moment where you feel the need take the next step, engage in a deeper level of commitment, you just want more, you are not thinking clearly, you are very emotional and all you want to do is cling on to your significant other so you go all out with a big bang, a romantic grand gesture.

We have watched videos on YouTube where a guy proposes to a girl in the unlikely situation or scenario ever and he gets turned down. Were they in love yes but the timing was wrong. Probably the dude acted out a moment based on the thought in his head and the girl was not on the same page.

As sad as that may sound, the dude is lucky because he got rejected from making probably the worst mistake of his life, to some that are not lucky, they get trapped. He proposes, she reluctantly accepts, they get married, few years into the marriage they discover they are different people co inhabiting a living area. The love they once felt is fuelled with hate.

Marriage is sacred, marriage is divine and I hope to get married someday but I want to do it with the right person for the right reasons not because I am getting old or pressure from my family but because whoever it is I choose to spend the rest of my life with, makes me happy beyond words and I want to have that for the rest of my life. Also, the price of eating take outs is ridiculous, I want home cooked meal.. Just joking but happiness is everything.

Happiness is everything!! To everyone getting married every other Saturday, I wish you more happiness and the love you deserve.

To those of us waiting, let us do it once for the sake of our happiness.

First by achieving most or all of the goals we set out for ourselves before getting married. We read stories of people who got married and one or both parties gave up their dream. They called it sacrifice but yet they stayed unhappy for years regretting that single decision and constantly dwelling on what if scenarios. Most times, it is the woman that gets affected, she is expected to give up everything she has ever worked for, stay home and take care of the house whilst the man works for the family. In Africa, this is a common practice and what happens is that if they get into an argument and the marriage ends, the man sends the woman packing with only boxes of her personal effects. That is the only thing she brought into his house. What about the years of sacrifices that she made? What she gave up for him? She is left stranded with little or no financial support. Please ladies be wise, never give up your dream for the sake of getting married or staying married. Your significant other shouldn’t feel threatened by your achievements but should be able to support you all the way.

If you only get one chance to do it, we owe it to ourselves to get it right. I know we can always remarry but hey, if it didn’t work out the first time what makes you think it would work out with the second time you try.