SOMETIMES IN MARCH....

I keep checking my phone and reading our chat carefully, I fear the next words we may say… Where did we go wrong?

All the promises made, vows exchanged. How do we get back the way it used to be before this? What went wrong?

Every surety, assurance, certainty.. Gone down the drain, where did we go wrong?

Looking at our pictures, and suddenly my mind drifts back to when we created those happy memories. Where did we go wrong?

I remember the first time I saw you, I never realised that I would be falling so hard for you in the nearest future, and now it feels like my heart is going to explode. Where did we go wrong?

You made me feel safe and now that feeling is gone, suddenly I feel so exposed. Where did we go wrong?

Are we done? Everyday feels like I have lost you. We pretend like everything is fine, actually believe it, end the night with “I love you” but when the sun ray hits our eyes, and we suddenly remember why we don’t want to be with each other anymore. How can you love someone so much and don’t want to be with them?

How can you want someone so bad but don’t actually want them.

I remember when I was ready to fight to stay in your life, ready to fight for you, gathering my arsenals and waiting to go off on anyone that threatened our happiness with their bickering and doubts but now, I fight to walk away from you, to walk away from this.

I remember our late night conversations, I remember our text messages, our sexting, our picture trade, voice mails and videos, I remember our emails, our songs but even with that, it felt  like we were holding on to a life that doesn’t include us.

I remember how you found me, in my lowest of lows, do you still think of me like you did in the beginning? What happened to our love?

Bombs going off in my chest, the heaviness in my heart, it bleeds. I can’t stop the pain, the hurt; I can’t stop the sadness I feel. Do I just walk away from you? Do I walk away from this?

You were my best friend, my confidante and now all of that is gone. I remember how excited I got every time I wanted to share the most ridiculous part of my day with you, my crazy insane moments, my thoughts, my dreams, my dark twisted imaginations. Now I just stay mute. We still have long conversations and yet we say nothing. Lips are moving but deep down we are silent. The silence so mighty, we go deaf. Unspoken words.