They say happiness is God's greatest gift to man after life and love. In the search for happiness we go through certain hurdles, some find it and some continue searching for it their entire lives. I still remember all I had to go through to find a degree of happiness before I met you.
The memories of getting hooked on alcohol because drifting off to an unreal world guaranteed no reason to feel pain; the slow drag from a burning spliff and the giggles and excitement that followed afterwards. There were the days of waking up to soft rock blasting from my speakers, hoping the music would chase away the demons. Convinced, I started reading self-help books on how to discover happiness from simple things; there were sleepless nights of switching different planes. I did everything you can think of and happiness still eluded me. I made new friends, I let people in, dated a lot and nothing could fill this emptiness inside.
According to Mark Twain, "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination”, so I tried living out different alter egos but that also failed. Happiness exists only in its true form when you are true to self. "Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste" - Charlotte Bronte. I determined I had to share it with someone, with anyone, with everyone. Few failed relationships and friendships gone sour left me depressed and I turned to pills. 'Fortunately', that medicinal temporary relief that creates false excitement failed also, leaving me broken and conflicted. "No medicine cures what happiness cannot - Gabriel Garcia Marquez", I believe he was right.
Still searching and getting even more desperate I found myself living the life of a rock star: partying all night, staying buzzed all day and partying again. Memory loss was all I got from that vicious cycle and the company of my five good friends: Mr Jack Daniel's, Mr Richard Henessy, Mr Johnny Walker, the talented Miss Mary Jane and Miss Belinda. We stayed connected and some people might even say when five of them were present in a room you can almost see madness in all its forms. They had this overwhelming control over me and a crazy way of expressing themselves combined. The friendship demanded and took more of me; more time; more effort and I knew we had to part ways.
I stayed sad and sober for few weeks, had mini withdrawal symptoms but because "some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" - Oscar Wilde, I had to let my five friends go. I admit, there were few moments where I thought I found happiness with them, short-term happiness.
Four months after my painful break up with my exciting and demanding friends, I met you. It seemed like the most regular and random friendship. I just assumed like everyone else that left me; there was no way I was going to convince you to stay. On days we talked and with every passing hour I let you in, I got closer to you and slowly I was falling in love again. I kept telling myself to pull out and avoid hurt, disconnect from the feelings, don’t permit emotions to ruin things, and it won't last. Truth is, every time I tried to pull out I fell more deeply.
Gradually, I found that there was no need to call my five friends up for the occasional hang out, no more cravings for that good good, no switching different planes and no more worries I finally found peace with myself.
You made it clear my past did not matter. The life I left behind did not matter. You were here to erase the pain, the trips the pills could not give me, and your love was ready to take me on an adventure for a lifetime. You made me realise I could love myself regardless of how much I blamed myself for certain unfortunate events, you taught me how to forgive myself. You made me happy. You loved me in all my forms and complexities.
You became my personal brand of high that caused no hang over, just staying high all day: on life, joy, peace and high from the reach of sadness.
"Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product of a life well lived" - Eleanor Roosevelt and I just started living my life well with you in it.
You are amazing, you are amazing!
I have this with you now and losing you is not an option. You saved me from myself. You save me from myself everyday.
"The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes but in liking what one does"- J.M Barrie. I like loving you and I like having you in my life. So this makes me happy.
I cannot believe how happy I get when I think of you much more being around you. It feels like I can almost touch and taste happiness. You make happiness tangible for me.
I feel so blessed that I have you in my life and I want that for always.
Just like the perfect musical note to a love song, that is how much you complete me.
I still have memories of the first time I saw your beautiful face. It felt like I have always been in love with you. That very moment where I realized my world revolves around you.
When people ask me what is the best thing about me, I say it is having you in my life.
You are the moon to my earth, the earth to my world, my world to my life, my life to me.