A MUST READ: THE SIDE PLATE

THE SIDE PLATE

Come on pick up. Please pick up. I’m begging you pick up. Kate paced frantically in her living room as she mentally willed and persuaded her boyfriend Nathaniel to answer his phone. Today was his birthday and she had gone through a lot to make it special for them, well him technically. The truth was,she secretly hoped and anticipated that he would propose to her today. They had been dating for two and half years now and it was time for him to step things up. At least in her mind.

She kept dialling as she wandered into the dining where she had prepared a sumptious candlelit dinner for two and she sighed, the candles were almost done melting. She had spent the entire day chopping, washing, cooking, grilling and then setting up. She moved further into the house to her bedroom, where she had poured petals all over the floor and on the new satin bedsheets just to spice the mood. The candles in here were almost burned out as well, she sighed again. The fragrance from the bath salts she had poured into the bath had long stopped diffusing and the water she speculated was now cold.

She had switched moods severally in the past four hours from anger, worry, and disappointment to rage. She had felt it all tonight. Sadly she knew that if he walked in that moment she would jump, scratch that, fly into his arms. She had it bad for Nathaniel Afinios and he knew it, heck the whole world that cared to notice knew it. He had grown on her like a tumor and she had no need to operate.

It was now 12 am and she curled on the sofa with a glass of Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion reflecting on her life since she met Nathaniel. It was a 1996 edition, one of Nathaniel's tastes she had acquired. Kate never slept in the living room but somewhere in her subconscious she hoped he'd come that night. Even if he crawled in dirty, smelling and drunk she'd take him.

She had mustered up just enough strength to dump the dinner into the trash, take off her dress and grab her blanket before she crawled onto the sofa. Sipping slowing she delved into reminiscence.

"You dropped something, beautiful". Katherine Demarco twirled instantly and almost crashed into the broadest shoulders she had ever seen in all of her 27 years. What stunned her most she had no clue. It could have been his hazel eyes, broad shoulders, or his boldness. She managed to regain composure but it took all her will power to tear her eyes away from his lips. "Excuse me?" she replied and he pounced as though he were only waiting for her response. Over the next 2 months he persuaded, pleaded and pratically bamboozled her into accepting to go out with him for lunch. Like the popular cliche, 'the rest is history'.

Today she was his number one woman and she had no regrets. She enjoyed every minute of the chase, his undivided attention and doting character.

He had told her and showed her in more ways than she could remember that she was special to him.

As she turned on the sofa, already feeling the start of a back ache she wondered why he never spent a birthday with her. In their first year he had had to travel for business and last year she had to go home, her grandmother had passed away. She had begged him that she'd make it up year and she had out done herself. This sure sucked. She had planned the entire evening in her mind and this certainly was not how the night ended. She definitely was not meant to sleep alone, much less on the sofa!

By 5am after barely getting through the night, she jumped off the sofa and freshened up. It was 7am when she managed to stuff a health bar down and swallow her daily dose of Antacid. Grabbing her keys, wallet and phone she called in sick promising to be in the next morning. She drove off in the direction of Nathaniel's house, disobeying speed limits and leaving several red lights in her wake.

At his house, she applied some lipstick, straightened her shirt, opened a few buttons and took a deep breath.

The first thing she noticed was the third car in the garage. She noticed it because it was white, sleek, beautiful and had a bow around the hood. It was a white Audi R8 coupe and the plate number read 'marry me?'. She was beyond ecstatic. There must be a good reason he was not with me last night, she convinced herself.  She began to pray under her breath as she ran up the steps. Containing her excitement and saying one last prayer she unlocked the door and entered.

Putting on the lights in the corridor she cautiously walked in, afraid she'd see his lifeless body on the floor.

As she took in the scenery and with each step she took, she held onto the walls for support. There were plates in the kitchen sink and empty bottles of Nathaniel's favorite wine on the counter, signs of celebration.

As she stood outside his room, she felt the final stab of pain in her heart. The underwear and clothes scattered on the floor in addition to the entangled bodies on the bed, twisted the knife sharply and painfully.

The tears flowed unhindered down her cheeks and she made no move to stop them. Switching on the bedroom light, she moved closer to the bed slowly, praying the body that hung lazily on his side of the bed was not Nathaniels'.

"Nathaniel”? It was both a prayer and plea, so faint she had no idea she uttered it. The shock that registered on both their faces when he opened his eyes crushed her deeply. Shaking her head vigorously and crying profusley as he put his finger on his lips indicating the other sleeping figure.

Pleading with his eyes, he grabbed his jeans and ushered her out of the room.

"Why"? was all she could mutter as he stood facing her outside the house. Kate looked from the house, to the garage and finally to the man standing before her . She wished, hoped, prayed and begged for someone to pinch her, she could not even accept this. She wanted to know, she had to know, she must know. There had to be a reason why this man she had cooked, cleaned, catered to and loved beyond reason for the past two and half years decided to betray her.

As she drove home, she wept bitterly. She drove past her junction and turned around so fast almost denting her bumper on a stop sign.

Slowly, she began recollecting events in the past that could have served as warning signals but she overlooked because of love.

She remembered when his sister got married and she had wanted to go along with him, he had given her some lame excuse about principles. He had not introduced her officially to his family and it would be disrespectful if she just showed up. She had agreed because she did not want to upset her future in-laws so early in their relationship.

When his colleague had celebrated his birthday and invited everyone to come along with their partners, Nathaniel had turned down the invitation on a whim. She also remembered his last promotion and how he had decided not to celebrate, claiming they would spend the Christmas holiday in Aspen.

As she shut her room door and sank to the floor she was grateful for the day off. There was no way she could work efficiently after this but the repreive today provided would tide her over.

Its not fun being second fiddle, being the next best thing. Whether as a man or woman, there's no greater feeling than knowing that to someone you're all that matters. If you have commitment issues or cannot stick to one partner, please stay single and mingle do not subject someone's heart to unnecessary pain and heartache.

The side plate/side chick is often referred to as the mistress, booty call or the plan b. It is simply someone that is not the main chick.  Permit me to indulge you further.

The side chick primary responsibility is to do all the things the main chick would agree to do (by choice or force).

The side chick gets lied to and manipulated into believing if she stays long enough she might be the main chick.

The side chick often convinces herself that what she has is better than nothing. The fear of being alone keeps her grounded.

The side chick is surrounded by secrecy, her identity is not known, and her presence is not recognized. She is kept in the dark from important events or activities happening in the life of the person she is involved with.

The side chick would always remain a side chick, eventually get replaced by another side chick.

As long as the person you are involved with romantically is dating someone and the person is not you, honey you are the side chick.

For those in relationships, please please please, ask questions! Ask till you are satisfied and sure and do NOT accept second-class treatment for any reason. Everyone deserves 100% love, attention and devotion, do not accept less! I'm not asking you to be paranoid, just be interested in knowing your stand in a relationship. If they don't love you, they should leave you, simple!

People are so good at faking love, they could win Oscars. 'I love you' is no guarantee for anything futuristic. As long as there is no ring on 'it', you got nothing. Until you can certify your partners devotion, you could be the 'other chic'. Ofcourse, there are broken engagements that does not mean you should encourage your status as the everlasting boy/girl friend with that.

Keep your partner on their toes always!

FRIEND ZONED: RIGHT OR WRONG?

I still remember the movie about a guy being friend zoned.

10 years of being away from each other and finally reuniting, all she could say was “I love you like a brother”. In my head, I was like its just a movie and there is nothing real about it.

Being placed in the friend zone is the worst thing that can happen to anyone in love. It eliminates your chances of ever being with someone you have feelings for. There is no Oxford dictionary definition for friend zone, but it is best explained as a condition in which one is downgraded from being a significant other to just a friend. There is nothing wrong with that, but when you want more mere friendship will not do. Generally speaking, 'zoning' happens more  to guys than ladies. However recently, more females are being zoned as a ploy by guys for payback.

 As adorable as it seemed to watch Rachel and Ross sort out their differences and eventually hook up in the final season of friends, Ross was the prince of friend zone!. He had spent almost a decade loving Rachel and providing a shoulder for her to lean on but she never noticed his affections, she zoned him. She always saw him as Monica’s elder brother.

Sadly, this happens in real life as well. For instance, you grow up with this beautiful girl in your neighbourhood. You have memories of scraped knees and ice cream faces, basically you have history together. Secretly, you have carried a torch in your heart for her but she just sees you as a family friend. She sometimes refers to you as her brother, other times as her best friend from childhood. Dude I hate to break it to you, you have been friend zoned.

There are different explanations for the existence of the friend zone and I will mention a few. It could be that feelings are not mutual, there isn't any atom of physical attraction (on her/his part) or she/he feels going deeper will ruin the great friendship you have going. Who knew unrequited love could have such a fancy name, friend zone? In that zone you possess enough reason to walk away but stay trapped because even though what you have is all you can get, its better than nothing.

Few years ago, there was this girl I had always liked and for some reason I assumed if I played the 'good guy' card, things might get better between us. We got close over time and became very comfortable around eachother. I remember a few times I was at her house, she would casually walk into the room half dressed, my lucky day I would say. Far from it, nothing ever happened. Once I mustered enough courage to ask why she acted that way and her response was she trusted me not to do anything crazy to her. One time she went to take a shower and practically got dressed in front of me. I mean the works, lotion, underwear, clothes and make up, I almost passed out. Brothers and sisters, I had been zoned and I didn’t realize it yet. We never hooked up and we have remained friends till date but there are days I imagine "what if"?. In the end, it was better than nothing.

If a girl or guy friend zones you, you have little or no chance at redeeming yourself unless something supernatural happens. I am not against having best friends of the opposite sex, but understand that sooner or later one person would develop feelings then what happens?

In friend zone, trust is the keyword. That can be interpreted as 'I trust myself with you', 'I trust you with everything in me', 'I trust you to keep me safe', 'I trust you to never betray me'. When you begin to hear statements such as 'you are a very important part of my life', 'you are like family to me', 'you are a part of me', 'I love you because you always come through for me', 'I love you because you are reliable','I love you like a brother' etc, you have been zoned.

I support good friendship but when it comes to a single guy and girl, one or both parties should know where to draw the line.

How to know when you have been zoned...

1. If you have known a hot girl for over 3years and you have never hooked up with her once either drunk or sober.

2. Ladies, you know a charming stud and he has never made an attempt to give you the business.

3. If he or she finds it easy to talk to you about other people they like or are attracted to.

4. You think it is cute for a hot girl/guy to call you bestie?

5. You express your feelings to her/him and they say “it is best we just stay best friends for now and see what happens with time”. That time would never come and they would never see you differently.

6. They tell you "I care about you a lot, I love you from my heart but I don’t want to lose you as a friend".  I hate to break the news to you, YOU HAVE BEEN FRIEND ZONED!

Few years ago, I met this pretty girl and as time went by, we got to know ourselves better. Let me tell you how we stopped talking to each other. She sent me a message “hey dude, lets be something more than friends”, to which I replied “like actually be in a relationship, date for real?” and she replied “no, silly I mean mega best friends”. I read this message like 50 times. Me, Mega best friend? Is it an award winning title? She had simply put me in the ‘you shall never hit this spot’  corner. I finally replied her with this “oloshi, I for become your brother instead”.

There is no real benefit to being in the friend zone except that's where you actually want to be.

It is not wrong to share your problems with people especially if they are good listeners, some times you just want to vent to anyone who would listen.  You don’t need to be telling the next guy/girl about how your significant other is not treating you right or every problem your relationship faces. I am not a therapist, I am not Doctor Phil or Oprah, I DON'T need to know. Once you permit it the first time it would never stop, they would keep coming back to complain and ultimately you get zoned in the process.

There are no tips for getting out of the friend zone, you either enjoy what you have or walk away. If you have been zoned already, I am deeply sorry but I say this, AVOID being zoned by all means. Make your intentions known from the beginning. It is either what you want or it is not.

You don’t expect to spend so much time and effort on someone, sometimes weeks turning into years and they still don’t see you in a different way. It is heartbreaking to be friend zoned, believe me it hurts.

Friend zone come in different categories and apply to different situations; which include best friends, childhood friends, playmate, colleagues, the fall/goto guy or girl and more recently the ultimate family branding (brother/sister relationship).

A brother can never date his sister as that would be considered to be an incestuous relationship. So if you ever find yourself in the category, with a heavy heart, there is no way out for you. YOU HAVE BEEN FRIEND ZONED.

I saw this somewhere on the Internet and I think it is funny but true. A young girl’s reaction to the guy she likes who is attempting to zone her.

“You think I don’t know what you are trying to do, I see your attempt to make me “just a friend” but I refuse. I hear that tone in your voice talking to me like “we are guys”. No, no we are not. I shall continue to call you at odd hours, show up at your house without prior notice, send you embarrassing gifts at work and talk to your family members and close friends daily. Feel free to call me a stalker or a desperado but never call me “just a friend”. I am not one of those babes that would back down and cry. I am the kind that “takes it by force”. You are allowed to be somewhat upset and frustrated but you shall be my boyfriend and if I like you just a little bit more I will start making efforts to get your people to see my people. After leading me on for so long, you want to zone me, impossible. Sweetheart I shall not be zoned. By the way, next week is our anniversary”.

Repeat after me; I SHALL NOT BE FRIEND ZONED!

LIFE, LOVE AND HOPE

I am writing this as a dedication to my friend. I love you and I hope your story helps others.

There are many 'myths' about love. For example, Love can never do you wrong, love would make you feel alive, love still prevails. Whatever your inclination true love exists, you just need to find the right person.

I was born different, no deformity or physical disability just a weird medical condition. Doctors didn’t know how to cure it. They didn’t know how to treat it. They said it was not life threating. Once in a while, I would feel terrible pains all over my body. As the years passed, I grew accustomed to the pain. I built up a strong threshold for the pain.  I always felt people took pity on me and i hated it. I secluded myself from a social life and stopped making new friends. I just lived in my world. It was hard to be normal, believe me I tried.

Everyday, I hoped there would be a cure,i prayed for a cure. Everyday I prayed to God to take the condition away from me. I could see the pain in the eyes of the people who loved me, they were hurting too. I started to wish I had not been born at all. Several times I wanted to take my life but I could not bring myself to doing anything. Every night I cried to sleep, soaking my pillow with tears. I prayed to God and some times I felt He didn’t hear me other times I felt He was too busy to listen. I felt empty inside, I knew my family loved me but it wasnt enough to fill the void.

I turned to alcohol, and even though as a girl I had to uphold certain standards in public, i needed something to dull the pain and rejection.

I met Olu and everything changed. He was amazing in everyway. A good Christian, kind hearted, caring and he loved me. Few months into dating, Olu noticed my awkward behavior. The way I would disappear without a word and then return looking pale and emanciated. I wanted to tell him but I was not ready for another rejection, I couldn't handle it. I was afraid of losing Olu because I had made him the center of my world. He was indeed my support system. Whenever I was with him, he made it easy to deal with the pain even though he didn’t know what was wrong. I loved Olu with everything in me. I saw a life of happiness with him. 6 months into the relationship, he took me to meet his parents. They were as warm and caring as Olu and they accepted me into their family. I felt loved to the point that I didn’t even realize the pains were gone. They were still there ofcourse, but I was so overjoyed about the love I got from Olu and his family i had become numb to the pains. Olu was my world, my strength, my peace, my joy; he gave me happiness beyond measure.

I have been in relationships before but I have never loved anyone this much. He shared his life with me and I felt I was not doing the same because I had a secret about my health. I did not want to lose Olu but the thought of putting him through the trauma and drama in my life gave me pause. I turned to my best friend for advice and he encouraged me to tell Olu everything and if Olu indeed loved me, he would understand. "Love could never do you wrong" he said.

I gathered strength to see Olu but on getting to his family house, I met his mother. She was very fond of me and often called me the daughter she never had, as a woman she knew something was wrong with me and preceded in asking so many questions. Finally I gave in and opened up to her. I told her my medical history and how my health had prevented me from being happy until I met her son. She gave me her blessing and support. I was shocked but that motivated me to be completely honest with Olu.

A week to my birthday I was excited. For the first time, I looked forward to celebrating the gift of life. Understand me, I was grateful to God for life but every other year had been full of so much pain. This one was different. I had Olu. Whether I felt pain or not, I had Olu. I kept telling myself that. It became my mantra. 

I had not yet figured out a way to tell Olu about my medical condition even though I had the support of his mother.  It is not a terminal disease after all, it's just a condition that affects the flow and circulation of blood in the body. It only affects few people with a peculiar DNA formation around the world. I came across an article, 'honesty in a relationship creates a strong foundation'. I was building a life with someone but I was keeping a secret from him. I decided to tell Olu. Love could never do you wrong, I thought. I was counting on his support, I was counting on his love to stand by me. I convinced myself that Olu would never leave me, he would stay by me. He promised, he gave his word that he would always be there for me. Coincidentally, Olu has never been insensitive about medical issues; he sometimes joked about living his high street job to go back to medical school to help people for free. He would be the best person to understand this.

Olu proposed to me and I could not wait to bear his last name, what more could a girl ask for? I definitely had to be honest with him.

I still remember how the conversation started. He invited me over for dinner and half way through, I broke down crying, I could not keep up with the pretence. Olu ever so caring asked what was wrong, "I have been keeping something away from you" I replied. To my surprise he said, "if it’s about another man, I still won't let you go, I love you too much". Hearing those words, I began crying again, I had to tell him. I made him promise to understand and he agreed. After narrating my painful ordeal, Olu stood up and walked away. I was in the house by myself for four days. Finally he came back and asked me to return home that he needed time to be alone to process everything but nothing had changed between us.  Few days later, Olu called to say the wedding was off. His parents do not approve of me and he could not be with me anymore because I was a sick person. All I could say was 'Olu' but he had already hung up.

I could not believe that the man I loved with my being had just abandoned me. I couldn’t believe his reason for calling our wedding off, his parents did not approve of us? They already gave us their blessing! I had built 3 years of my life around Olu and I was supposed to let it go just like that? Love can never do you wrong? It tore up my world! I was fine without him but I just had to fall in love. A year after my break up and I still cannot understand how love can be so cruel.

All I have now is family and my best friend. During one of my painful sessions, i had my best friend with me through out, he never left my side. While I recovered he stayed with me. I have always loved him genuinely,like family. After i fully recovered, i made a promise to myself that I would never let another man into my heart. It is my birthday again. It’s a year since Olu ended our engagement and shattered my world.

My best friend decides to throw a party for me with friends and family. At the end of the event, he proposes to me before everyone. I couldn’t believe my ears, I was getting proposed to again. Does he even know what he is getting himself into? I asked myself.  I accepted and six months later we were married. I am expecting our first baby. Though the pain comes and goes my best friend, my husband has always been there to support me. Love can really never do you wrong. 

LBT: LIES, BETRAYAL AND TRUST

Lies and Betrayal abuse trust...

Lie: telling a lie is the act/art of withholding the truth intentionally for whatever reason you see fit. We have 26 classification of lie which include: bad faith, barefaced lie, white lie, bullshit, bluffing, exaggeration, fabrication, jocose lie, polite lie, perjury, fib and 15 others. Each of the classes has the same end result regardless of the reason behind it; the whole truth is been withheld. The most common form of lie is the bad faith, defined by Sartre as 'lying to oneself'. Although other classes are equally interesting to talk about, for the sake of this article I  would concentrate on the common lie.

Summer 2005, I rekindled friendship with a girl I have known for 9 years. We would call her Jane. As the days flew by and weeks turned to months I found myself falling for her deeply. I had a secret.  I was dating someone else, Anna who I thought I was in love with. There was a problem, I could not let any of the girls go. Sadly, the truth always has a way of coming out and at that when you least expect it. 7 months into dating Jane and 1 year with Anna, my luck ran out.

I had done a very good job of erasing every doubt they both shared until the weekend my friend threw a party. The two girls came over to the house. One had to stay upstairs in the guest living room, the other in the guest room downstairs and for 5 hours I shuttled both worlds. Desperate and on the verge of risking exposure but bent on keeping them both,I did not give up.

 The after party was in 5 hours but I did not mention the name of the club we were to party and made sure I convinced Anna to go home early. I had two phones and both girls didn’t have the same number or the two numbers, no special caller tone, I always had to take my memory card out of my phone whenever I was with Anna or Jane, always erased my call logs and deleted my SMS. On my way upstairs to meet Anna, it flashed through my mind. Was it worth it? The stress? The lies? I had fallen in love with Jane already. I was going to confess to Anna, and I did. Unknown to me, I was followed upstairs by Jane; a cute gesture in a normal world but there was nothing normal about this situation. She heard all I told Anna and felt used. I had lied to her about my relationship with Anna on several occasions, sometimes even calling Anna my cousin then my family friend then my best friend and I had broken her cycle of trust. Needless to say, I lost both of them that day. 

Betrayal: is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations

CASE 1: March 2006. Still single and nursing the loss of my girlfriends especially Jane, that I was completely in love with, I found a rebound. I was desperate and I needed someone to erase the memories I had of my ex. Mary (not real name) was concerned about the rush to date seeing that I was still completely hung up on my ex. I reassured her of my devotion and we began dating. 6 weeks into the relationship, like every horny youth, sex was all I could think about. I had waited 4 weeks, 4 long weeks of sleeping with a hard on and no relief. I tried every trick in the book to get Mary to have sex with me, she refused. On our 2months anniversary, Mary sent me a text "baby it’s been 2months of happiness and everything in between, I love you very much and I can’t wait to see you. Surprise surprise". My eyes read it as "baby I love you but you are not getting any nookie tonight, maybe a BJ would suffice if you act right" NEVER!! Not tonight, I was not going to sleep with a hard on. So I made plans with another girl. She wasn’t even half as beautiful as Mary but I needed to get laid. Everything set up and going when my phone starts ringing. Its Mary calling. Oh my, just when I am about to get laid? I tossed the phone under my bed and went back to hitting whatever it was I was hitting. In the middle of hittng it, there's a knock on my door, a female voice called, 'baby it’s me'. Mary’s voice almost sent me to my grave. 'Baby hurry up' and like in the movies I was confused for a bout 5minutes. This girl I was getting freaky with had to go, fly, evaporate or disappear.

In that moment I realized how much I loved my girlfriend and I was about to lose her for sex? So I asked the girl I was getting it in with to go to the toilet to wait up. Thinking Mary would just come in, give me a kiss and we would be on our way out, besides she showed up 4 hours too early! With the new girl and her clothes in the bathroom, I brushed my teeth, got dressed and killed the room with the scent of Christian Lacroix all in 6minutes. Then I opened the door for Mary. Standing in front of me was this extra sexy girl I had never seen before. Hair packed all back just the way I like it, no excess make up on, just red lipstick with a little powder on. She comes in and I lock my door, all the while praying she would not enter the bathroom. I turned around my girlfriend had only the sexiest lingerie I have ever seen on.  'Baby I am so sorry for making you wait this long' she cooed, 'I just wanted to be sure that you really loved me'. I totally forgot about the girl in the bathroom and decided to consummate my relationship for the first time.

 The truth always has a way of coming out. First a used condom wrapper on the bed, quickly hid it. Suddenly she stops kissing me to call her friend to let her know she won't be coming over to school that night. Super excited that she was staying over I beckoned her to make the call so we can go back to consummating activities. She dialled the number and the sound of the ringtone was coming from my bathroom. Picture the next 24 scenes. The end.

Trust: this involves a trustor and the trustee.

 It can be well described as a situation where a trustor is willing to rely on the words and actions of the trustee without having any control of how the trustor acts or behaves; but is willing to undermine any uncertainty with hopes and expectations that the trustee would deliver.

In plain English, trust lost cannot be gotten back in the same measure. You cannot deny its existence but you can really say how much. Lies and betrayal affect the cycle process of trust. In fact that is the easiest way to lose trust. The end result sometimes would be you losing the person you care about the most. I am not saying no one is above mistakes. Sure you would lie a little to protect yourself and the person you love but do you ever consider you are making a choice for them already? Don’t you think they might just want to hear the truth instead?

A simple lie of 5minutes can destroy what it took you 20 years to build. Lies have broken relationships, friendships and marriages. In the end, for whatever reason you have, telling the truth is always the best way to go.

It is not in your power to protect the people you care about with lies, they would almost always appreciate it if you come out clean. No one enjoys been lied to. Often time we find out that attention is shifted from the offence and the 'lie' becomes the main concentration. I strongly believe that people who use lies (as an excuse) to protect the people they love are just protecting themselves.

In the end, Lies can actually cause physical pain. The saga continues……

A.I.M : HAPPINESS

They say happiness is God's greatest gift to man after life and love. In the search for happiness we go through certain hurdles, some find it and some continue searching for it their entire lives. I still remember all I had to go through to find a degree of happiness before I met you.

 The memories of getting hooked on alcohol because drifting off to an unreal world guaranteed no reason to feel pain; the slow drag from a burning spliff and the giggles and excitement that followed afterwards. There were the days of waking up to soft rock blasting from my speakers, hoping the music would chase away the demons. Convinced, I started reading self-help books on how to discover happiness from simple things; there were sleepless nights of switching different planes. I did everything you can think of and happiness still eluded me. I made new friends, I let people in, dated a lot and nothing could fill this emptiness inside.

According to Mark Twain, "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination”, so I tried living out different alter egos but that also failed. Happiness exists only in its true form when you are true to self. "Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste" - Charlotte Bronte. I determined I had to share it with someone, with anyone, with everyone. Few failed relationships and friendships gone sour left me depressed and I turned to pills. 'Fortunately', that medicinal temporary relief that creates false excitement failed also, leaving me broken and conflicted. "No medicine cures what happiness cannot - Gabriel Garcia Marquez", I believe he was right.

Still searching and getting even more desperate I found myself living the life of a rock star: partying all night, staying buzzed all day and partying again. Memory loss was all I got from that vicious cycle and the company of my five good friends: Mr Jack Daniel's, Mr Richard Henessy, Mr Johnny Walker, the talented Miss Mary Jane and Miss Belinda. We stayed connected and some people might even say when five of them were present in a room you can almost see madness in all its forms. They had this overwhelming control over me and a crazy way of expressing themselves combined. The friendship demanded and took more of me; more time; more effort and I knew we had to part ways.

 I stayed sad and sober for few weeks, had mini withdrawal symptoms but because "some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" - Oscar Wilde, I had to let my five friends go. I admit, there were few moments where I thought I found happiness with them, short-term happiness.

Four months after my painful break up with my exciting and demanding friends, I met you. It seemed like the most regular and random friendship. I just assumed like everyone else that left me; there was no way I was going to convince you to stay. On days we talked and with every passing hour I let you in, I got closer to you and slowly I was falling in love again. I kept telling myself to pull out and avoid hurt, disconnect from the feelings, don’t permit emotions to ruin things, and it won't last. Truth is, every time I tried to pull out I fell more deeply.

Gradually, I found that there was no need to call my five friends up for the occasional hang out, no more cravings for that good good, no switching different planes and no more worries I finally found peace with myself. 

You made it clear my past did not matter. The life I left behind did not matter. You were here to erase the pain, the trips the pills could not give me, and your love was ready to take me on an adventure for a lifetime. You made me realise I could love myself regardless of how much I blamed myself for certain unfortunate events, you taught me how to forgive myself. You made me happy. You loved me in all my forms and complexities.

You became my personal brand of high that caused no hang over, just staying high all day: on life, joy, peace and high from the reach of sadness. 

"Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product of a life well lived" - Eleanor Roosevelt and I just started living my life well with you in it. 

You are amazing, you are amazing!

I have this with you now and losing you is not an option. You saved me from myself. You save me from myself everyday. 

"The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes but in liking what one does"- J.M Barrie.  I like loving you and I like having you in my life. So this makes me happy.

I cannot believe how happy I get when I think of you much more being around you. It feels like I can almost touch and taste happiness. You make happiness tangible for me.

I feel so blessed that I have you in my life and I want that for always.

Just like the perfect musical note to a love song, that is how much you complete me.

I still have memories of the first time I saw your beautiful face. It felt like I have always been in love with you. That very moment where I realized my world revolves around you.

When people ask me what is the best thing about me, I say it is having you in my life.

You are the moon to my earth, the earth to my world, my world to my life, my life to me.