FRIEND ZONED: RIGHT OR WRONG?

I still remember the movie about a guy being friend zoned.

10 years of being away from each other and finally reuniting, all she could say was “I love you like a brother”. In my head, I was like its just a movie and there is nothing real about it.

Being placed in the friend zone is the worst thing that can happen to anyone in love. It eliminates your chances of ever being with someone you have feelings for. There is no Oxford dictionary definition for friend zone, but it is best explained as a condition in which one is downgraded from being a significant other to just a friend. There is nothing wrong with that, but when you want more mere friendship will not do. Generally speaking, 'zoning' happens more  to guys than ladies. However recently, more females are being zoned as a ploy by guys for payback.

 As adorable as it seemed to watch Rachel and Ross sort out their differences and eventually hook up in the final season of friends, Ross was the prince of friend zone!. He had spent almost a decade loving Rachel and providing a shoulder for her to lean on but she never noticed his affections, she zoned him. She always saw him as Monica’s elder brother.

Sadly, this happens in real life as well. For instance, you grow up with this beautiful girl in your neighbourhood. You have memories of scraped knees and ice cream faces, basically you have history together. Secretly, you have carried a torch in your heart for her but she just sees you as a family friend. She sometimes refers to you as her brother, other times as her best friend from childhood. Dude I hate to break it to you, you have been friend zoned.

There are different explanations for the existence of the friend zone and I will mention a few. It could be that feelings are not mutual, there isn't any atom of physical attraction (on her/his part) or she/he feels going deeper will ruin the great friendship you have going. Who knew unrequited love could have such a fancy name, friend zone? In that zone you possess enough reason to walk away but stay trapped because even though what you have is all you can get, its better than nothing.

Few years ago, there was this girl I had always liked and for some reason I assumed if I played the 'good guy' card, things might get better between us. We got close over time and became very comfortable around eachother. I remember a few times I was at her house, she would casually walk into the room half dressed, my lucky day I would say. Far from it, nothing ever happened. Once I mustered enough courage to ask why she acted that way and her response was she trusted me not to do anything crazy to her. One time she went to take a shower and practically got dressed in front of me. I mean the works, lotion, underwear, clothes and make up, I almost passed out. Brothers and sisters, I had been zoned and I didn’t realize it yet. We never hooked up and we have remained friends till date but there are days I imagine "what if"?. In the end, it was better than nothing.

If a girl or guy friend zones you, you have little or no chance at redeeming yourself unless something supernatural happens. I am not against having best friends of the opposite sex, but understand that sooner or later one person would develop feelings then what happens?

In friend zone, trust is the keyword. That can be interpreted as 'I trust myself with you', 'I trust you with everything in me', 'I trust you to keep me safe', 'I trust you to never betray me'. When you begin to hear statements such as 'you are a very important part of my life', 'you are like family to me', 'you are a part of me', 'I love you because you always come through for me', 'I love you because you are reliable','I love you like a brother' etc, you have been zoned.

I support good friendship but when it comes to a single guy and girl, one or both parties should know where to draw the line.

How to know when you have been zoned...

1. If you have known a hot girl for over 3years and you have never hooked up with her once either drunk or sober.

2. Ladies, you know a charming stud and he has never made an attempt to give you the business.

3. If he or she finds it easy to talk to you about other people they like or are attracted to.

4. You think it is cute for a hot girl/guy to call you bestie?

5. You express your feelings to her/him and they say “it is best we just stay best friends for now and see what happens with time”. That time would never come and they would never see you differently.

6. They tell you "I care about you a lot, I love you from my heart but I don’t want to lose you as a friend".  I hate to break the news to you, YOU HAVE BEEN FRIEND ZONED!

Few years ago, I met this pretty girl and as time went by, we got to know ourselves better. Let me tell you how we stopped talking to each other. She sent me a message “hey dude, lets be something more than friends”, to which I replied “like actually be in a relationship, date for real?” and she replied “no, silly I mean mega best friends”. I read this message like 50 times. Me, Mega best friend? Is it an award winning title? She had simply put me in the ‘you shall never hit this spot’  corner. I finally replied her with this “oloshi, I for become your brother instead”.

There is no real benefit to being in the friend zone except that's where you actually want to be.

It is not wrong to share your problems with people especially if they are good listeners, some times you just want to vent to anyone who would listen.  You don’t need to be telling the next guy/girl about how your significant other is not treating you right or every problem your relationship faces. I am not a therapist, I am not Doctor Phil or Oprah, I DON'T need to know. Once you permit it the first time it would never stop, they would keep coming back to complain and ultimately you get zoned in the process.

There are no tips for getting out of the friend zone, you either enjoy what you have or walk away. If you have been zoned already, I am deeply sorry but I say this, AVOID being zoned by all means. Make your intentions known from the beginning. It is either what you want or it is not.

You don’t expect to spend so much time and effort on someone, sometimes weeks turning into years and they still don’t see you in a different way. It is heartbreaking to be friend zoned, believe me it hurts.

Friend zone come in different categories and apply to different situations; which include best friends, childhood friends, playmate, colleagues, the fall/goto guy or girl and more recently the ultimate family branding (brother/sister relationship).

A brother can never date his sister as that would be considered to be an incestuous relationship. So if you ever find yourself in the category, with a heavy heart, there is no way out for you. YOU HAVE BEEN FRIEND ZONED.

I saw this somewhere on the Internet and I think it is funny but true. A young girl’s reaction to the guy she likes who is attempting to zone her.

“You think I don’t know what you are trying to do, I see your attempt to make me “just a friend” but I refuse. I hear that tone in your voice talking to me like “we are guys”. No, no we are not. I shall continue to call you at odd hours, show up at your house without prior notice, send you embarrassing gifts at work and talk to your family members and close friends daily. Feel free to call me a stalker or a desperado but never call me “just a friend”. I am not one of those babes that would back down and cry. I am the kind that “takes it by force”. You are allowed to be somewhat upset and frustrated but you shall be my boyfriend and if I like you just a little bit more I will start making efforts to get your people to see my people. After leading me on for so long, you want to zone me, impossible. Sweetheart I shall not be zoned. By the way, next week is our anniversary”.

Repeat after me; I SHALL NOT BE FRIEND ZONED!