NOVEMBER, TO REMEMBER

Some days love exists and other days, it is just a myth.

I check my watch again, 9:45pm; time had suddenly stopped. I splash my face with cold water running from the sink tap to make sure I was not dreaming again. Shade is pregnant!

I check the result again on the pregnancy strip; she is actually pregnant, Jesu. Almost like a shitty scene in a nollywood movie, I began to think back, my thoughts were in black and white.

Shade was the person I called home; she was the definition of love. To me, shade was the embodiment of an angel in human flesh. We planned a life together. Her parents seemed to like me and most of my family members accepted her also. Shade was the only girl I could boost of that had my heart on lock down.

Shade rocked my world, it seemed only right that I envisioned a life with her in it but this, a child before marriage? What was I supposed to do now? As I walk slowly to where shade was sitting crying her eyes out, I realized I wanted to be with her even more, it felt right that the girl I was crazy about was carrying a bundle of joy, a perfect combination of us. I held her hands, wiped her tears and reassured her of my devotion and love. Shade looked at me like life had been restored to her but we had one worry; my parents. Nothing in this world frightened me more than the two individuals I called my parents. My dad was an old soldier and my mum, a therapist. I had high level of moral upbringing installed into me, it was more than good parenting, and there was no room for mistake. How on earth was I supposed to tell them that the son they expected perfection from had gotten a girl pregnant? As we contemplated on the next step to take, my mind began to flash back on all the times I erred and the extreme measure my retired soldier father took to ensure correction. With a promising future in the family business, I was about to lose my position, my name, my privileges.. Torn between losing the luxury I was used to and the girl I saw in my future, tears rolled from my eyes. I have always been anti abortion; I cursed the day I decided to have sex without a condom, the sweetest feeling I experienced, the addiction to it and my obsession. Skin to skin was my devil and now it was time to pay the pied piper.

One week after hearing the news, I was suffering from insomnia; I couldn’t eat or stay calm. I lost weight, for someone who wanted to be independent; I still needed my father’s connection in securing a good job even if the family business couldn’t accommodate me. How was I supposed to survive? Providing for my new family? Shade kept me sane, reassuring me of how love would keep us together; she became my strength in my hour of weakness. I scrapped my savings, got a new apartment and the life of hardship began.

Two weeks after I discovered shade was pregnant, I summoned the courage to inform my parents about the news, they wanted me to get married and give them grand children, this was a double blessing; marry shade with a baby inside her. The fear of my father is the beginning of fear and humility, i recited my speech over and over and over again until the day I finally broke the news to him, my father said nothing but shook his head and walked away. Right there on my seat, my world crumbled, I knew what that meant and without any word, I left my family house never to show my face again. Shade became my strength in my hour of weakness.

Shade was all I had now, every night she cried herself to sleep and sometimes I cried with her too, she knew what I had lost, what I had given up. Shade was in her final year and she had to defer her admission, her dream and aspiration was put on hold, our world became a rock! The love that was blossomed began to struggle. Everyday was a battle but somehow we worked through it all. she also was in so much pain.

We needed more money, so I picked up an extra shift at my work place. Day and night, I worked so hard to provide food on the table. I put shade In this position, so I felt it was my responsibility to provide for her every need. Her job was to stay home and relax.

All efforts to contact my father and ask forgiveness proved impossible, I remember going to my family house and my father asked the security guard to keep me under the sun, I waited for my father in the same house I grew up in. I was an outcast; I had brought shame to the good family name. My father came out of the house, looked at me, got into his car and drove off. 3 hours under the sun waiting for him and he just left me like that, like I meant nothing. I cried so hard that day. I was certainly not the first to get a girl pregnant, there was no fight between families, I was doing the right thing by trying to marry her before the pregnancy was pronounced but in all I felt like a disgrace. 

This was my cross and I was going to carry it, shade became my strength in my hour of weakness.

November 12^th, exactly 2 months after I discovered shade was pregnant, I had worked my ass off day and night to provide for my new family, my father had publicly humiliated me by disowning me in a popular newspaper. I felt my world crumble to my feet but shade became my strength in my hour of weakness.

Shade sent me an SMS on this fateful day “babe, I am at the hospital, I felt a sharp pain in my tummy, I went to check it and I am still waiting for the doc to give me feedback. I am fine, no need to worry. See you soon”.

At that moment, I got worried even more; I hurriedly put on my clothes and went to the hospital. On getting there, I met shade sitting in the waiting room, when our eyes met, she stood up looking pissed. Walked over to where I was and began throwing tantrums. I thought I asked you not worry. What are you doing here? Please go back home. I was confused; I didn't know what was going on, I have never seen my shade like this before. She kept talking and pushing me out of the hospital. I did not get what I did wrong by coming to the hospital to see my wife to be. 

And in that mini moment of struggle, I saw a nurse walking towards us and calling shade's name. Shade ignored the nurse and was bent on taking me out of the hospital.

I decided to stand my ground, was something wrong with the baby that shade did not want me to find out? I was able to get a grip of shade to calm her down, the nurse caught up with us and told her the result of the test; the doctor suggested it was nothing to worry about, she should just avoid fatty food, it is not good for a woman that is six months pregnant to eat a lot of fatty food because of her high cholesterol level.

All I heard was SIX MONTHS pregnant!! I asked the nurse again if she made a mistake, she said no. Mrs. shade has been a patient in their clinic, and she is 6 months pregnant. And as if that wasn't enough, the nurse asked about her husband, Kenneth. And the only Kenneth I knew was my best mate. 

Then it hit me, 8 months ago, I traveled for a course and I came back 3 months before shade told me she was pregnant. During the time, I asked my best mate to keep my girlfriend company. I did not feel threatened at all. Only for my best mate to get my girlfriend pregnant they got married and I wasn't aware, 6 months pregnant for another man and yet she made me take responsibility for it. I lost everything, where do I begin.

November 12^th.

Some days love exists and other days, it is just a myth.