LIFE, LOVE AND HOPE

I am writing this as a dedication to my friend. I love you and I hope your story helps others.

There are many 'myths' about love. For example, Love can never do you wrong, love would make you feel alive, love still prevails. Whatever your inclination true love exists, you just need to find the right person.

I was born different, no deformity or physical disability just a weird medical condition. Doctors didn’t know how to cure it. They didn’t know how to treat it. They said it was not life threating. Once in a while, I would feel terrible pains all over my body. As the years passed, I grew accustomed to the pain. I built up a strong threshold for the pain.  I always felt people took pity on me and i hated it. I secluded myself from a social life and stopped making new friends. I just lived in my world. It was hard to be normal, believe me I tried.

Everyday, I hoped there would be a cure,i prayed for a cure. Everyday I prayed to God to take the condition away from me. I could see the pain in the eyes of the people who loved me, they were hurting too. I started to wish I had not been born at all. Several times I wanted to take my life but I could not bring myself to doing anything. Every night I cried to sleep, soaking my pillow with tears. I prayed to God and some times I felt He didn’t hear me other times I felt He was too busy to listen. I felt empty inside, I knew my family loved me but it wasnt enough to fill the void.

I turned to alcohol, and even though as a girl I had to uphold certain standards in public, i needed something to dull the pain and rejection.

I met Olu and everything changed. He was amazing in everyway. A good Christian, kind hearted, caring and he loved me. Few months into dating, Olu noticed my awkward behavior. The way I would disappear without a word and then return looking pale and emanciated. I wanted to tell him but I was not ready for another rejection, I couldn't handle it. I was afraid of losing Olu because I had made him the center of my world. He was indeed my support system. Whenever I was with him, he made it easy to deal with the pain even though he didn’t know what was wrong. I loved Olu with everything in me. I saw a life of happiness with him. 6 months into the relationship, he took me to meet his parents. They were as warm and caring as Olu and they accepted me into their family. I felt loved to the point that I didn’t even realize the pains were gone. They were still there ofcourse, but I was so overjoyed about the love I got from Olu and his family i had become numb to the pains. Olu was my world, my strength, my peace, my joy; he gave me happiness beyond measure.

I have been in relationships before but I have never loved anyone this much. He shared his life with me and I felt I was not doing the same because I had a secret about my health. I did not want to lose Olu but the thought of putting him through the trauma and drama in my life gave me pause. I turned to my best friend for advice and he encouraged me to tell Olu everything and if Olu indeed loved me, he would understand. "Love could never do you wrong" he said.

I gathered strength to see Olu but on getting to his family house, I met his mother. She was very fond of me and often called me the daughter she never had, as a woman she knew something was wrong with me and preceded in asking so many questions. Finally I gave in and opened up to her. I told her my medical history and how my health had prevented me from being happy until I met her son. She gave me her blessing and support. I was shocked but that motivated me to be completely honest with Olu.

A week to my birthday I was excited. For the first time, I looked forward to celebrating the gift of life. Understand me, I was grateful to God for life but every other year had been full of so much pain. This one was different. I had Olu. Whether I felt pain or not, I had Olu. I kept telling myself that. It became my mantra. 

I had not yet figured out a way to tell Olu about my medical condition even though I had the support of his mother.  It is not a terminal disease after all, it's just a condition that affects the flow and circulation of blood in the body. It only affects few people with a peculiar DNA formation around the world. I came across an article, 'honesty in a relationship creates a strong foundation'. I was building a life with someone but I was keeping a secret from him. I decided to tell Olu. Love could never do you wrong, I thought. I was counting on his support, I was counting on his love to stand by me. I convinced myself that Olu would never leave me, he would stay by me. He promised, he gave his word that he would always be there for me. Coincidentally, Olu has never been insensitive about medical issues; he sometimes joked about living his high street job to go back to medical school to help people for free. He would be the best person to understand this.

Olu proposed to me and I could not wait to bear his last name, what more could a girl ask for? I definitely had to be honest with him.

I still remember how the conversation started. He invited me over for dinner and half way through, I broke down crying, I could not keep up with the pretence. Olu ever so caring asked what was wrong, "I have been keeping something away from you" I replied. To my surprise he said, "if it’s about another man, I still won't let you go, I love you too much". Hearing those words, I began crying again, I had to tell him. I made him promise to understand and he agreed. After narrating my painful ordeal, Olu stood up and walked away. I was in the house by myself for four days. Finally he came back and asked me to return home that he needed time to be alone to process everything but nothing had changed between us.  Few days later, Olu called to say the wedding was off. His parents do not approve of me and he could not be with me anymore because I was a sick person. All I could say was 'Olu' but he had already hung up.

I could not believe that the man I loved with my being had just abandoned me. I couldn’t believe his reason for calling our wedding off, his parents did not approve of us? They already gave us their blessing! I had built 3 years of my life around Olu and I was supposed to let it go just like that? Love can never do you wrong? It tore up my world! I was fine without him but I just had to fall in love. A year after my break up and I still cannot understand how love can be so cruel.

All I have now is family and my best friend. During one of my painful sessions, i had my best friend with me through out, he never left my side. While I recovered he stayed with me. I have always loved him genuinely,like family. After i fully recovered, i made a promise to myself that I would never let another man into my heart. It is my birthday again. It’s a year since Olu ended our engagement and shattered my world.

My best friend decides to throw a party for me with friends and family. At the end of the event, he proposes to me before everyone. I couldn’t believe my ears, I was getting proposed to again. Does he even know what he is getting himself into? I asked myself.  I accepted and six months later we were married. I am expecting our first baby. Though the pain comes and goes my best friend, my husband has always been there to support me. Love can really never do you wrong.