Sunday, 7 October 2012


A lot of boys would never admit to this, they still want to act macho to save face, so on behalf of the boys around the world that got played by a girl, sorry got beaten up by a girl. This is dedicated to you. Maybe different situations but the end result is still the same. I was physically abused by a girl.
This happened summer 2008, still a freshie. On the "I don't get to shit" grind. Omo butty boy. I met a girl from IUO. Had a borrowed flower name... "Lilly". I figured she was ok, skin glowed under the sun. Oral english on point. She was the definition of a hottie. Jackpot, I kept telling myself. So we had this summer fling that lasted for 4days and on the 4th day, I discovered how much of a fighter she was.
No matter what you do as a dude, never ever settle two girls fighting. It is not hot in any form. There is nothing sexy about it. The dangerous girls to watch out for are the short beautiful girls. They are walking canons. Back to my story, we were having drinks at sage (hotel/bar). Everything was going great, till another girl walked by, stopped, gave "lilly" the look.
Let me define the look, according to girls, they say the look can be seen as "I shall fuck every dude in your family and you can't do shit about it bitch" "who the fuck are you, I can probably feed you and your family for a year" and some other ridiculous definitions I shall not bore you with.
So this girl gives "lilly" the look and walks away. Lilly laughs out loud, whilst holding on to my hand real tight, I should add that, the bone that gives my left hand formation suffered minor fracture. In my head, I was like.. Shii is about to go down. With hot tears by the corner of my eyes. I didn't even realise when I called "Lilly" aunty.. Can I be excused? She then gave me the look.
The look as defined by a dude "if you leave, your balls would suffer" "dare walk away and no sex for you for a year" "I would cock tease you and then fall asleep leaving you with a hard on" or "whatever you decide to do, think about it carefully, this may be the last time you ever get to make such decision again because in the end, I still own your likkle ass, bitch." Jokes apart, you actually hear the word bitch in your head. Anyways, she gave me the look but a nicca had to hit the rest room real quick to escape all the tension and lament to the bathroom mirror on the already fractured bone, I was going to drop her home and never call her again. I was gone for 5mins when I heard a loud bang on the bathroom door. I came out, saw the bar man, he said "the lady you were with, has been asked to leave the bar" she is outside waiting for you. I did not even bother asking why. I paid the bill and walked out to meet her. Making my way to where I parked my car, I could see two girls going at it, screaming really loud. Words like "weyrey" "oloshi" "ode ni". I was astonished, ah what happened to my sweet Lilly, now a yoruba speaking warrior?? Did I mention Lilly was wearing this low cut top (I don't know the name girls call it) and something else I can only describe to be a jacket and the other girl had another shirt like material thing on. Oh well, in my head, I was like dude go separate them before it gets worse. Mind you, these girls were heavily equipped with mammary gland goodness. Perfect cue to be the perfect judge. The plan was to jump into the middle and end it all, maybe just maybe hold on to something soft for support.
All I can remember was stepping in, blanking out and 30mins waking up with a pounding headache.
I lost 30minutes of the fight that till date I don't even know why it started in the first place.
According to an eye witness (the bar man). Who followed me to make sure I got the girls to stop fighting after I paid the bill, he said and I quote "you got in to settle them and then the girl you were with got a bottle and then smashed your head with it" you fell to the ground chanting "Lilly why? Lilly why?" And then passed out and inbetween they stepped on you whilst still fighting. Got tired and then they made up!! The girl you were with got into the other girls car and they drove off.
I don't know how Lilly got a bottle, or do girls carry bottles in their bags?
Suffice to say, the girls disappeared and left me there on the floor.
I have been looking for Lilly since, because in my place of origin. If an elder falls to the ground because of you, a cow must be killed. I need my killed cow. Times are hard and for some reason I have been craving suya. Lilly, if you are reading this. You owe me a cow.
Moral of the story, if you see two fine girls fighting, please don't play the hero and separate them. Watch from a distance. If possible, buy pop corn, coke, get a chair, call other friends over and enjoy the show.


  1. Dats some serious ko right dere...true talk sha,nvr to seperate two fighting chics...kobelash on point

  2. Been gloomy all day this just made me laugh....hilarious

  3. "Lilly why? Lilly why?". Shit had me rolling.