Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Understanding "The Code": DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?


If a girl wants you, nothing can keep her away and if she doesn’t want you, regardless of your grand gestures, sacrifices and compromises, nothing in this world and in space can make her stay.

Men should stop trying so hard to prove their change or transformation in/for a relationship that is not meant to be. Never base living your life on the mere idea a woman has of you. Your happiness is not tied to her. Being and staying happy is a personal decision. Again, regardless of how matured they expect us as men to behave at the end of a relationship, be civil and still be friends with your ex, that is strongly not advisable. You don’t need a constant reminder of your past. In order to move forward, you must completely let go. The longer you hold on to her, you keep her grounded, two things are bound to happen; the rekindling of old dead flames and then painfully part ways as enemies or the bitterness that eats you inside thinking about all those moments you took her granted and those moments she treated you less than you deserved. 

It is very important that as men we should understand the next few words “DO NOT SETTLE”. I don’t care about the place you were/are in emotionally, you shouldn’t settle. If it is not what you want, then don’t get involved. Often we have this mindset of not finding anything better if we let go of what we have. Do not stay in a relationship because you think and assume she/things would get better. As sad as this may sound, it may never get better, infact it becoming worse is almost inevitable. You may realize few years latter that you wasted your time hoping on a situation that never improved, that may become your greatest regret and would affect how you treat the people around you. The next girl always suffers for the sins of your ex girlfriend. 

The only person you have effective control over in a relationship is you, you are your guide, instructor, muse, and director. I understand honesty is very important in a relationship but there are issues that should never be said or known by your partner. It has nothing to do with you being dodgy or secretive but it is about the principles attached to the experience; as long as she was not in your life when shit got down, she does not need to know about, if it does not remotely affect your relationship; she does not need to know about. Never be overly honest. If you let a woman know everything, she may use it against in the future to either prove a point, as a reference or mainly to just taunt you with it.

You cannot be a savior; we already have a messiah who died for our sins. You cannot save them all; you are not superman. Old habits die hard, in the words of snoop dogg "you can't turn a whore into a housewife". In simple English, you cannot change a woman’s behavior, attitude or character no matter what you do. Change they say comes from within. If she doesn't see it as a problem, regardless of how many people tell her about it and the necessary solutions to take, she still would ignore it. She needs prayers, deliverance and fasting.

Women say, that all men are dogs... i PARTIALLY agree. Let me explain; Dogs always stay loyal to their caregiver. Meaning a dog would never act out of character whether or not the carergiver is around. The dog is not considered a slave but a friend, hence the term "man's best friend". The dog shares an unbreakable bond with the caregiver, in sickness and in health, the dog stays with the caregiver, even when the caregiver has nothing to offer the dog and another caregiver comes along bearing goodies, the dog never strays because the dog considers the caregiver, a part of its life force, the relationship is a two way. It is important that women should understand the mystery behind the caregiver and dog process. A man is only loyal to something he considers a part of his life. If he bonds with it, there is no going back. 


At any point, appreciation is always important. You should appreciate the big and little things but as a man, never make a woman feel more important than you, you are important also. She is not a demi god; she is a human being.  It is written in the holy book “love your neighbor as yourself…” it doesn’t translate to love your neighbor more than yourself… 

Never take another man’s girl. Never never never! If she cheated with you, she would cheat on you.

Do not fully commit to a girl that doesn’t give you everything you need, you would always carry around with you that feeling of getting less than you deserve. Yes it sounds selfish, same thing as you do not expect a girl to commit to you when you don’t give her everything she needs.

A girl would only treat you the way you allow her to. 

Are we allowed to be jealous? Love has nothing to do with jealousy, frankly i consider people who act jealous to be insecure of their place in the relationship and a bit paranoid. To some extent, a man is built to be a protector, protect whatever he loves and cherishes  which makes him act irrational in some cases but know when to draw the line. Never ever blast her cellphone with calls, messages, media files when she is out with her friends or when her ex is in town and she is not with you, it makes you look bad. You dont want to come off as being too needy and emotionally insecure. If you feel the need to call her; play a game on your phone, learn how to cook, play with matches or do something that totally waste your time. DO NOT DIAL HER NUMBER EXCEPT YOU ARE DYING!!!
She wants to know that you can trust her to have your best interest at heart in any situation. 

Never date a girl out of pity; she loves you? Yes but if you feel nothing for her, there is nothing gentlemanly about leading her on just so you do not break her heart from turning down her expression love. You can just say no to her and not start a pitiful relationship, it is all in your manner of approach. A woman would appreciate your honesty but she would respect you more based on how you go about turning her down. Ofcourse, no one rejoices after getting turned down but as a man, your choice of words really matter. Some men are so dense, they cannot communicate properly.

As a man, you should never hit a woman. A queen raised you so you should act like a prince. Couples fight and argue, if it gets heated; walk it off. 

Men take care of your hearts, do right by your lady and always make them HAPPY. 

19 comments:

  1. The way I see it, before things happen, there are factors and actors dat come in to play...plus you never know if u don't try n if u don't get it d 1st time, try try again...after all, beauty did fall for the Beast @ d end. Signed: Beast.

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    1. @anonymous 04:30, everyman is not perfect, we can only try to be better versions of ourselves.. i quote you on this "if you dont get it the first time, try try again". beauty didnt fall for the beast until he became a better version of himself.

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  2. Personally, I dnt see anytin wrong wit being friends wit an ex cos if u no d reasons y u guys broke up, den der is ntin dat can mk u fall back. So u mean ur nt friends wit any of ur ex?

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    1. @ anonymous 06:00, "if you know the reason why the relationship ended, there is nothing that make me you fall back" so what is the purpose of keeping your ex in your life? friendship? the heart can easily be manipulated. You have no control of who your heart chooses to love. the heart goes where it feels at home, comfortable. a familiar place. your ex describes that familiar place because of the moments shared, history. I did not say it is wrong to be friends with your ex, i suggested it is strongly not advisable. If you can handle your emotions, by all means stay friends.

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  3. Very insighful piece. Nice one

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    1. @ anonymous 06:13, thank you very much

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  4. Hmmmm..men are dogs has a new meaning dis new one is gud. Better than the "dogs" who betray n hurt women... Nyc .
    Floberry.. Aka berrywyze

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    1. @ anonymous 06:28, a new meaning and a new approach to things.

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  5. Lol @ play with matches...
    Great post Hun! Keep em coming..

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    1. @ freda, thank you babe, it only gets better

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  6. hmmmm.....lol. funny wen u said dont dial unless your dying. nice write up teddy. speechless

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  7. Spot on! spot on ! spot on! Hard to swallow truth and sometimes controversial perspectives. Good analysis of relationship and women.I should visit more often.

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    1. @ jaycrown, you should visit more often, thank you for reading this post

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  8. What if your ex is also your baby mummy?

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    1. @anonymous 02:06, please send an email to kobelash@yahoo.com. So we can talk better, discretion is vital.

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  9. Hmmmmm....nice! U are gifted nd talented in dis. I tank God 4 ur life nd hw he has soooo used u 2 bless oda's wit ur blog.may he continue 2 give u d grace nd inspiration u need. Ur blessed dearie.

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  10. Wow I have learnt so many things from dis page and I am enjoying it , now I no d difference between a dog process and a caregiver very intresting .

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  11. Wow I have learnt so many things from dis page and I am enjoying it , now I no d difference between a dog process and a caregiver very intresting .

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