I have tried to deal with the thought of losing you and how i would never get the chance to tell you how much i love you. All the chances i missed, all the times and moments we spent and shared together and how i wont get that back. I can not still believe its only been 3 years. The sadness of not being able to see you smile or hear your voice and feel the warmth of your embrace. I remember the last conversation we had just before i went back to Kano, you looked at me and asked me to always be careful and make sure i do not get myself into trouble, i really tried to stay out of trouble but..... i miss you so much it hurts. I would never find any friend like you, always putting me first above others even when you know i always acted a little bit selfish. I miss how you would advice me about the women in my life. I made a lot of mistake with strange women, Lol. got hurt few times.
When i heard the news of your passing, i remembered the last time i saw your face, what you were wearing, how your mum called your phone and i spoke to her because she was getting worried that it was getting late and you were still not home. I remember how much i tried to live in denial, how many times tears flowed freely from my eyes and you know i hardly cry, how most nights i stay up because i cant sleep, thinking about you or days where i dream of you and refused to wake up so i don't lose your face, all the times i would wait by the phone for you to call. I remember how difficult it was for me to go through the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I remember our first outing together in public and how many people assumed we were dating, how we ran into that saucy girl that you didn't like how she smiled *holdslaugh* and how you made her jealous by kissing my cheeks, i remember the first time i was brave enough to watch a football match, how much your constant jabs at me convinced me to suck in 90 minutes of the game and i still cant remember what team played. I remember how you encouraged me to try new food and those long afternoons where we would just have a good laugh at how frustrated university was and how much more course work we had to write, i remember how you always had my back, never judged me, how you defended me. i remember how you groomed me in staying committed to one girl, how i should stop getting negative about everything, how no amount of money can buy happiness. i miss you and i have made a lot of mistakes, where are you to save me?
I miss my best friend, i miss my best friend and this hurts. i know you are watching over me making sure i do the right thing, i remember how you always had a way of solving any difficult situation and now i need you more than ever.
No one should ever go through the pain of losing someone they truly love. i never got the chance to say how much i love you, how much i admire you, how much i respect you, how i would give up any organ if you needed it and now you are far far away from me. in loving memory, fly with angel's wings boo. i love you always and forever. my best friend, my confidante.