Understanding "The Code": DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

If a girl wants you, nothing can keep her away and if she doesn’t want you, regardless of your grand gestures, sacrifices and compromises, nothing in this world and in space can make her stay.

Men should stop trying so hard to prove their change or transformation in/for a relationship that is not meant to be. Never base living your life on the mere idea a woman has of you. Your happiness is not tied to her. Being and staying happy is a personal decision. Again, regardless of how matured they expect us as men to behave at the end of a relationship, be civil and still be friends with your ex, that is strongly not advisable. You don’t need a constant reminder of your past. In order to move forward, you must completely let go. The longer you hold on to her, you keep her grounded, two things are bound to happen; the rekindling of old dead flames and then painfully part ways as enemies or the bitterness that eats you inside thinking about all those moments you took her granted and those moments she treated you less than you deserved. 

It is very important that as men we should understand the next few words “DO NOT SETTLE”. I don’t care about the place you were/are in emotionally, you shouldn’t settle. If it is not what you want, then don’t get involved. Often we have this mindset of not finding anything better if we let go of what we have. Do not stay in a relationship because you think and assume she/things would get better. As sad as this may sound, it may never get better, infact it becoming worse is almost inevitable. You may realize few years latter that you wasted your time hoping on a situation that never improved, that may become your greatest regret and would affect how you treat the people around you. The next girl always suffers for the sins of your ex girlfriend. 

The only person you have effective control over in a relationship is you, you are your guide, instructor, muse, and director. I understand honesty is very important in a relationship but there are issues that should never be said or known by your partner. It has nothing to do with you being dodgy or secretive but it is about the principles attached to the experience; as long as she was not in your life when shit got down, she does not need to know about, if it does not remotely affect your relationship; she does not need to know about. Never be overly honest. If you let a woman know everything, she may use it against in the future to either prove a point, as a reference or mainly to just taunt you with it.

You cannot be a savior; we already have a messiah who died for our sins. You cannot save them all; you are not superman. Old habits die hard, in the words of snoop dogg "you can't turn a whore into a housewife". In simple English, you cannot change a woman’s behavior, attitude or character no matter what you do. Change they say comes from within. If she doesn't see it as a problem, regardless of how many people tell her about it and the necessary solutions to take, she still would ignore it. She needs prayers, deliverance and fasting.

Women say, that all men are dogs... i PARTIALLY agree. Let me explain; Dogs always stay loyal to their caregiver. Meaning a dog would never act out of character whether or not the carergiver is around. The dog is not considered a slave but a friend, hence the term "man's best friend". The dog shares an unbreakable bond with the caregiver, in sickness and in health, the dog stays with the caregiver, even when the caregiver has nothing to offer the dog and another caregiver comes along bearing goodies, the dog never strays because the dog considers the caregiver, a part of its life force, the relationship is a two way. It is important that women should understand the mystery behind the caregiver and dog process. A man is only loyal to something he considers a part of his life. If he bonds with it, there is no going back. 

At any point, appreciation is always important. You should appreciate the big and little things but as a man, never make a woman feel more important than you, you are important also. She is not a demi god; she is a human being.  It is written in the holy book “love your neighbor as yourself…” it doesn’t translate to love your neighbor more than yourself… 

Never take another man’s girl. Never never never! If she cheated with you, she would cheat on you.

Do not fully commit to a girl that doesn’t give you everything you need, you would always carry around with you that feeling of getting less than you deserve. Yes it sounds selfish, same thing as you do not expect a girl to commit to you when you don’t give her everything she needs.

A girl would only treat you the way you allow her to. 

Are we allowed to be jealous? Love has nothing to do with jealousy, frankly i consider people who act jealous to be insecure of their place in the relationship and a bit paranoid. To some extent, a man is built to be a protector, protect whatever he loves and cherishes  which makes him act irrational in some cases but know when to draw the line. Never ever blast her cellphone with calls, messages, media files when she is out with her friends or when her ex is in town and she is not with you, it makes you look bad. You dont want to come off as being too needy and emotionally insecure. If you feel the need to call her; play a game on your phone, learn how to cook, play with matches or do something that totally waste your time. DO NOT DIAL HER NUMBER EXCEPT YOU ARE DYING!!!

She wants to know that you can trust her to have your best interest at heart in any situation. 

Never date a girl out of pity; she loves you? Yes but if you feel nothing for her, there is nothing gentlemanly about leading her on just so you do not break her heart from turning down her expression love. You can just say no to her and not start a pitiful relationship, it is all in your manner of approach. A woman would appreciate your honesty but she would respect you more based on how you go about turning her down. Ofcourse, no one rejoices after getting turned down but as a man, your choice of words really matter. Some men are so dense, they cannot communicate properly.

As a man, you should never hit a woman. A queen raised you so you should act like a prince. Couples fight and argue, if it gets heated; walk it off. 

Men take care of your hearts, do right by your lady and always make them HAPPY. 

SOMETIMES IN MARCH....

I keep checking my phone and reading our chat carefully, I fear the next words we may say… Where did we go wrong?

All the promises made, vows exchanged. How do we get back the way it used to be before this? What went wrong?

Every surety, assurance, certainty.. Gone down the drain, where did we go wrong?

Looking at our pictures, and suddenly my mind drifts back to when we created those happy memories. Where did we go wrong?

I remember the first time I saw you, I never realised that I would be falling so hard for you in the nearest future, and now it feels like my heart is going to explode. Where did we go wrong?

You made me feel safe and now that feeling is gone, suddenly I feel so exposed. Where did we go wrong?

Are we done? Everyday feels like I have lost you. We pretend like everything is fine, actually believe it, end the night with “I love you” but when the sun ray hits our eyes, and we suddenly remember why we don’t want to be with each other anymore. How can you love someone so much and don’t want to be with them?

How can you want someone so bad but don’t actually want them.

I remember when I was ready to fight to stay in your life, ready to fight for you, gathering my arsenals and waiting to go off on anyone that threatened our happiness with their bickering and doubts but now, I fight to walk away from you, to walk away from this.

I remember our late night conversations, I remember our text messages, our sexting, our picture trade, voice mails and videos, I remember our emails, our songs but even with that, it felt  like we were holding on to a life that doesn’t include us.

I remember how you found me, in my lowest of lows, do you still think of me like you did in the beginning? What happened to our love?

Bombs going off in my chest, the heaviness in my heart, it bleeds. I can’t stop the pain, the hurt; I can’t stop the sadness I feel. Do I just walk away from you? Do I walk away from this?

You were my best friend, my confidante and now all of that is gone. I remember how excited I got every time I wanted to share the most ridiculous part of my day with you, my crazy insane moments, my thoughts, my dreams, my dark twisted imaginations. Now I just stay mute. We still have long conversations and yet we say nothing. Lips are moving but deep down we are silent. The silence so mighty, we go deaf. Unspoken words.

ARE YOU SATISFIED??

Happiness is everything!!

Love in all its forms is blissful and yet detrimental to those who choose to accept its complexities..

Growing up in a loving home, I was made to understand the value of marriage, settling down and starting a family. My dad once told me that marriage is like an institution and no one ever truly graduates. To be honest, that scared me a bit, made me wonder what being married would be like for me and whoever I choose to spend the rest of my life with.

Talking about marriage is quite sensitive so I would concentrate on the reasons why we shouldn’t get married in a hurry.

Statistics has shown that 99.9% of females that get to the age of 25years begin to subconsciously kill themselves silently as an act of desperation to get settled with their husbands. Not so much with the males, as we tend to think of how many zeros we can add to our account balance.

This made me wonder, what about their life purpose? The reason why they were born? What role do they play in this world, considering the amount of years spent during the course of staying relevant through education, sacrifices they made to pursue their dream and the amount of money spent to facilitate that course, was it all so they get married by 25? What is so peculiar about the age? If that was the primary aim, then we should all be illiterates and marriage should our saviour.

I am not against getting married, if you find someone that is willing to spend the rest of your life with you, fine but is that all life has to offer you? There is never really a right time to get married but we should never use the age factor or pressure from people to get into something sacred and then mess it up.

Back to the age factor, I understand that African women are built to age faster than the men so they consider settling down on time and having children, that I get but why rush into something and then don’t get it right. For instance, a girl gets married at 25 with hopes of having children early without actually taking time to study (understand, observe) whoever she is getting married to, 3 years in the marriage the man starts beating her, she has his child already and the only option is to walk out of the marriage for the fear of her life, marriage over at 28 with a baby, where does she go from here? How does she begin afresh? How many men would want to marry a single mother with child, whether or not he loves her, African parents are judgemental, it is part of their metabolism.. All they care about is what would people say?? If and when you start having children of your own, who is the rightful heir to your inheritance? A young girl’s life has just been put on hold because she considered the age factor and rushed into marriage. If the girl had known, wouldn’t it be easy to go to a sperm bank after becoming everything she always envisaged for herself and raise a child alone?

For the men, we would consider pressure from friends and family. 2 years ago my parents started singing the blues of marriage in my ear, 2 hours every day on the topic marriage. My son, my son, find a girl to settle down with. I have told them openly, I am not yet ready and thank God they respected my wishes but some men are not so lucky. They actually give in to make their parents happy and at the end become unhappy, taking it out on the woman they married like she was their biggest regret.

With the men, the age is never really a factor, what most parents care about is the joy to see their grandchildren before they die, at that moment; you just want to adopt a kid and present to them to get off your back.

For instance, a dude of 28 is pressured into marrying a girl he barely even knows, maybe he courted her for a year plus, so that should be enough right? Ehhh wrong!! Human are blessed with the ability of deception. He may not know her well enough to marry her but he does anyways because he feels that’s the only way the pressure would be taken off, she may hide all her flaws carefully and then after the wedding, everything begins to unfold or the man realises he is nothing close to being the man he promised his wife, They can’t take it anymore, so the best they can to do is to endure and pretend. Stay unhappy in the marriage. In the end, they convince themselves they are doing it for the kids, some even stay back drawing happiness from their children.

Lastly lets us consider the “moment” factor. This affects generally everyone who has ever loved or being involved in a relationship. It is best described as that moment where you feel the need take the next step, engage in a deeper level of commitment, you just want more, you are not thinking clearly, you are very emotional and all you want to do is cling on to your significant other so you go all out with a big bang, a romantic grand gesture.

We have watched videos on YouTube where a guy proposes to a girl in the unlikely situation or scenario ever and he gets turned down. Were they in love yes but the timing was wrong. Probably the dude acted out a moment based on the thought in his head and the girl was not on the same page.

As sad as that may sound, the dude is lucky because he got rejected from making probably the worst mistake of his life, to some that are not lucky, they get trapped. He proposes, she reluctantly accepts, they get married, few years into the marriage they discover they are different people co inhabiting a living area. The love they once felt is fuelled with hate.

Marriage is sacred, marriage is divine and I hope to get married someday but I want to do it with the right person for the right reasons not because I am getting old or pressure from my family but because whoever it is I choose to spend the rest of my life with, makes me happy beyond words and I want to have that for the rest of my life. Also, the price of eating take outs is ridiculous, I want home cooked meal.. Just joking but happiness is everything.

Happiness is everything!! To everyone getting married every other Saturday, I wish you more happiness and the love you deserve.

To those of us waiting, let us do it once for the sake of our happiness.

First by achieving most or all of the goals we set out for ourselves before getting married. We read stories of people who got married and one or both parties gave up their dream. They called it sacrifice but yet they stayed unhappy for years regretting that single decision and constantly dwelling on what if scenarios. Most times, it is the woman that gets affected, she is expected to give up everything she has ever worked for, stay home and take care of the house whilst the man works for the family. In Africa, this is a common practice and what happens is that if they get into an argument and the marriage ends, the man sends the woman packing with only boxes of her personal effects. That is the only thing she brought into his house. What about the years of sacrifices that she made? What she gave up for him? She is left stranded with little or no financial support. Please ladies be wise, never give up your dream for the sake of getting married or staying married. Your significant other shouldn’t feel threatened by your achievements but should be able to support you all the way.

If you only get one chance to do it, we owe it to ourselves to get it right. I know we can always remarry but hey, if it didn’t work out the first time what makes you think it would work out with the second time you try. 

MEMOIR

I can almost feel my heart break into pieces bits by bits, slowly and the pain is excruciating. I don’t know how to deal with this; I thought I was over losing people I care about. How do I go about this?  My heart is aching; I can’t seem to shake this feeling off.

Today started like every other day, the battle with insomnia, 5am already, trying every trick in the book so I can fall asleep.

I hear my phone ring, I let it ring some more, missed the call and then called back when I saw who the caller was. I felt guilty about not calling in the past few weeks. I had this sudden urge to not care anymore about anyone but myself. I just wanted to be selfish for a bit, it was a new year; I just wanted to do me. I felt like I devoted myself a lot to too many people, I felt drained. So I ignored a lot of people I cared about especially this caller. I just couldn’t care anymore about keeping in touch. I had reached my breaking point.

I had this in my head and I ran with it, this was going to be my excuse. I needed time for myself.  I finally hear a voice at the other end. In the coldest tone I asked all the random questions. To which she replied but there was something different in her voice. She sounded strange; I assumed it was a ploy to make me feel bad. Always on the defensive I laid out my case, trying to play smart and shift blames. “Where have you been? I know you tried to reach me many times but I was so busy dealing with other things…” I tried to make her feel bad and after going on and on about how I abandoned I felt, when I was done. All she said was “dude I am dying’.

I still can’t believe it, not another person I care about. All this while I was so selfish, thinking just about myself. My closest friend. In pains. She was diagnosed with a terminal illness and she has less than 2 weeks to live. I suddenly remembered the times i acted cold on the phone, some days I avoided her calls because I was so stressed out from other activities of the day. And now I am about to lose her.

I don’t know how to deal with this at all. It took me over two years to deal with losing my buddy whilst serving in Kano and now I am about to go through this again. Fucking ridiculous. Fucking ridiculous. I haven’t seen her in 3years. I can’t even express how my heart feels right now. I am in so much pain. Not again, not this time. I feel like shit right now. I might not recover from this. If it were possible to drop everything I am doing now, buy my ticket to Nigeria and stay by her side, I would do that. It just hurts to the point that I can feel physical pain where my heart is.

I begged her not to leave me, I asked her to stay. Wait a bit; she can’t just go like that. This is painful but it can’t be compared to the pain she is feeling now.

Flashbacks of memories and moments passed, Watching videos of her posted on my Facebook wall, I am not ready to say goodbye just yet. I can’t say goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye.

I don’t know how to control how I am feeling; I just can’t lose her now.  Not like this.

I wish she could stay.

REASON WHY MEN CHEAT

DISCLAIMER: This post is JUST AN OPINION, i do not support cheating or encourage straying but i intend on making us understand certain things we choose to ignore or deny. Alot of people wont agree but then... Please do enjoy reading this

People still wonder why men stray from a perfect relationship and settle for something less presentable to the outside world, why men would give up a loyal girl and chase after loose women, why men would ruin a perfect happy relationship for a meaningless fling or crush?? This is not because he does not have what he truly wants or that he is not truly satisfied but because it is man's nature to always sometimes want more, be adventurous and want to try something new. A careful research explains why most men stray because of the unending war between old pussy and new pussy.  Let me break down the terms for better understanding. Old pussy refers to pussy that is loyal, pussy that you are used to, pussy you are accustomed to, pussy you have been wifeyng up for a period of time, old pussy refers to pussy that would not embrace new techniques because of the comfort of old good techniques and sticking to it. Old pussy which is also known as the loyal pussy would put her man's happiness first, patient enough to deal with his drama and the bullshit that follows from his reaction to his bruised ego, cater to his everyday need, place him first before others, always supportive of his decisions even when they sound unrealistic, now this makes you wonder any man with a woman/girl that has all these qualities consciously throws its all away by going for new pussy also known "forget about me after the deed is done". Old pussy sometimes does not welcome change because they already know how it ends from the beginning and they are fine with it, there is hardly any excitement. Old pussy sometimes does not need teasing and as such you do not get to enjoy it with every given opportunities. Old pussy is predictable and sometimes a prude.

New pussy comes in different forms; the new girl at the office, new neighbour, new member of your association or club, the sexy lonely girl dancing in the club, the new girl you met on the train, at the airport, shared a cab with. New pussy is anything that is not old pussy. New pussy is adventurous and would definitely do all the things that old pussy would not do. New pussy is willing to try controversial styles and position just to please you. New pussy comes with it disadvantages, though the thrill comes from the chase, new pussy can be hard to satisfy because of their constant insatiable need. New pussy cannot be tamed. New pussy is not ride or die like old pussy, new pussy never stays loyal; they only have one aim, give you something new. New pussy never last because with time new pussy turns into old pussy and the search for a fresh new pussy begins taking you back to where you started from, having an old pussy to chill with. They say it is a man's world, which i strongly disagree and most recently a famous pop star had the rest of the world believing girls rule the world 

I absolutely do not agree with this and neither am i saying its a man's world but i do not deny the effect a new pussy has on a man and HOW it affects his world in general, a bit contradictory but if we are honest, nobody wants to manage old things we have or own, there is a constant need for renewal. We all want new things. Citing the fashion world as a reference point, no matter how much you love your old favourite pair of denim pants, you can not help but not want a new pair, though there is a sentimental attachment to the old pair, a new denim would not hurt a bit. Even love cannot stop the transition from old pussy to new pussy.... a loving happy relationship can not either, we are all fighting a battle. Some people are good at controlling their transition process and stay committed to old pussy but you cannot deny that in your heart, there is no desire to try something new. And this does not affect men alone, every now and then, a woman would crave for a new cock though comfortable with the old special kind of cock that would probably make her cum several times in a row (good luck to those who are truly gifted), but it cannot be compared to trying a new cock completely different from the loyal committed cock they are used to. A battle of NEW vs. OLD. When i say love cannot stop the transition to new pussy, i mean love can not act as a bullet proof to wade off the desires of having new pussy. New pussy knows how to get you in a tight corner or spot; working late or just having lunch that turns into a daily routine, watching movies at the cinema. New pussy understands your weakness, embraces it and provides temporary solace and comfort. Ever wondered how come it is only when you are not in good terms with your significant other, a new pussy is just lurking around the corner ready to pounce on you the attention you so bad crave for. Few men really intend on staying committed to their loyal pussy but they lack the proper tactical skills on how to say NO to new pussy offered on a steak with extra gravy. We understand that sometimes it baffles our mind as to how a man would creep on his model like girlfriend with someone less deserving, the truth is new pussy may not be entirely beautiful, perfect, sexy, a fashionista, eloquent. New pussy just feels "NEW". A loving relationship is not a magical force field that protects you from new pussy. So how do we deal with this new pussy pandemonium?? a lot of (okoro's) young brothers be getting married so they stay committed and not stray but usually that does not work because new pussy has no respect for commitment, marriage, relationships, soul mates. New pussy is toxic and an also addictive. Posing as a relieving aid to get us off that edge of frustration or boredom. The key here is discipline. Not necessarily the ability to cut yourself off people, isolating yourself to a circle of few friends you can trust, that does not help either. New pussy can come in different forms, even the friend you really trust. Point blank, any pussy you have not had yet, is a new pussy. 

Discipline is the key, the inexplicable strength to walk away empty from a room full of gold. Discipline does not deny the existence of new pussy, it accepts the reality of new pussy coming in different forms with practical situation that is almost impossible to walk away from. Discipline helps you control the urge, it helps with not acting on your desire to want new pussy not because you can not have it if you really wanted it but because you DO NOT NEED IT! Hence it is of no value to you. Oh and if you so bad crave for some new pussy, try spicing up your old loyal pussy with new tricks, techniques, go on sexual retreats.. it is a technical process known as pussy conversion. Try something new!  Peace!

140 Characters

This post is dedicated to everyone who has caught real feelings on twitter. Cheers!

140 characters was all It took for me to love you. 140 characters reminded me of how much reading your timeline is the highlight of my day.

140 characters lead my heart to you, in the most unlikely situations where my day takes a different turn; all I need to do is read your 140 characters. Some days they are less and some days they are more, but I still fall in love with it.

I still remember searching for your handle, I still remember zooming out on your avatar and going through your pictures, how I kept telling myself I have found the right person to connect with. I won’t lie, I fell for your beauty but I fell in even more after I read your 140 characters.

It is funny how I can feel this way about someone I have not physically met but I feel close to you with your 140 characters. Every tweet, every retweet. Though we are many miles apart, but my heart is connected to you, your 140 characters.

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to bask in your 140 characters, my very own obsession. Sneaking my phone into meetings just to browse through the series of your 140 characters, in church while the service is going on scrolling through your TL, reading every word of your 140 characters, acting like I am concentrating on my mobile bible or taking notes down, monitoring your TL, making sure our 140 characters can relate to each other. 140 characters.

In the words of Keisha white’s song “weakness in me”… to you I gave my affection right from the start. You got my heart on lockdown with your 140 characters.

Some days it feels like we are having conversations, your 140 characters meets up with my 140 characters in the middle. We don’t mention each other but it feels like our 140 characters are talking.

I know how crazy it sounds; I know how surreal it feels. This is not real but my heart skips many beats whenever I read your 140 characters.

Your 140 character that is a reflection of you and your ever so beautiful mind.

I get to know how you are feeling, how your day is going, I get to interact with your mind implicitly.

When I am in the midst of people, I find myself checking for new updates on your 140 characters. Listening to my favorite song and reading your 140 characters, even when I log off, I sign in back just because I need to see your 140 characters.

“I am lost without you, I can’t help myself”. My world is centered on your 140 characters. Your 140 characters are funny, real, heart felt, naughty, true, facts and sometimes just bants but I can relate to them at any level.

140 characters, who would have thought mere words can make a mortal wish for immortality, A chance to read your 140 characters forever.

I really want to reply to your 140 characters by telling you how I feel but I fear you may misunderstand my intentions. Stories of people trying to get it with 140 characters, setting p’s, leaving heartbreaks behind, playing with emotions. I just want to know if by any chance, my 140 characters and your 140 characters can add up and make 143.

140 characters define how I feel for you, I don’t need to write you a long love letter, 140 characters are just enough.

140 characters left my love speechless, if only you could hear the harmony my heartbeat sings to the thoughts of you.

I get jealous sometimes when I read other tweets where your handle is mentioned. Where, out of the goodness of your heart you reply also. I wish I was bold enough to say exactly how you make me feel, what you do to me, how you affect me, how you make my earth shake, how often I read your 140 characters and go breathless.

I hope to be more than 140 characters to you and if that happens, I pray we never forget how we started, 140 characters.