The Truth

They say losing a loved one is the most hurtful experience to ever go through and i strongly agree. They say it gets easy with time but it never does, time makes it even hard to deal with their absence. They say we need to be strong, how do we even do that when all we are left with are memories of them. It never gets easy, the fact that we know we may never see them again.... Makes us regret not spending enough time with them when they were alive. We recount those moments where we were too busy with other things in our lives to even check up on them, those moments where they call us and we are too busy to call them back, those moments where we plan on how we intend on taking time off to see them... We are just left with regrets, it is too late to even right that but some people don't even get the chance to have such regrets, all they are left with is the piercing pain, they never expected to lose a loved one. Life is so precious and yet so fragile, no one is guaranteed tomorrow but we only stay alive by Gods grace. Regrets or not, moments filled with what could have been, no one is ever prepared to lose a loved one. We are forever left with a memory of them, activities, places, songs, food, scents that remind us of them. We never truly come to terms with losing them. Even after years pass by, their absence is deeply felt. Coming to terms with Losing someone you love is never easy. No one would truly ever understand that pain and we do mot wish it on others. We cry when we think about them not because we are weak but because in our memories, they are still full of life. We cry because we miss them. All the words we wish we could have said to them, telling them how much we love them.... We cry because we wont ever have such opportunity to express how content we are to have them in our lives. We cry not because we are weak but because they meant something to us. Losing a loved one is the worst kind of experience to go through but we know, even if we cant bring them back to life, they still live on in our memories. To the immortal memories of a lost loved one.

THE TITLE: PAIN OR PLEASURE

A title is only as good as the relationship you are in, sometimes we want the title for the sake of our ego.
A lot of people would not agree to this but it is OK, the truth from my opinion would still be told.
The title, this is the official term given to people who are emotionally committed to a relationship. This makes everything official and real, indirectly delegating responsibilities to the people involved and the roles required of them to play. As constructive as the aforementioned definition may sound, note the key words "responsibility and roles".
So does giving titles mess a relationship up? if i am allowed to be honest, every woman would want to know her place in a man's life, what role they are playing, how important are they, their worth and value. sometimes women consider title as the foundation and basis of a relationship hence putting men in tight corners, spotlight, forcing them into relationships they find hard committing to. she wants to know her status, girlfriend or mistress?  Call me your girlfriend so i can play the part, makes me wonder if it is a movie, play or drama.
This does not only apply to women alone, men also crave for the title, they feel it tells them where they fit in, what they can expect from the relationship.
I am not saying giving titles is bad but the obsession about having a title is what ruins a seemingly good relationship. I believe before you start off anything with anyone, you already know how it is going to play out, so i do not get why people act surprised along the way or leave because of a mere title.
Is having a title that important? Would it make the relationship last longer? Would it make you love your partner more?
I am not encouraging undercover love affairs  but if i am to understand this properly, giving your partner a title makes the relationship more official? official in what? giving your relationship a title, helps define it? really? If someone genuinely loves you, cares about you, faithful and committed to you, loyal to you, honest and truthful, trust worthy. Please where does the term "title" come in? Would the person  not be all of this even after the title, so what exactly is the role of a title in a relationship.
She is my girlfriend, he is my boyfriend, like they are your property to own. he/she is my boo thang, sugar ray, honey pot, honey boo, booboo. Cool story. No please go on.
Sometimes you may just have a good thing going and then when you start labeling it, it just make it almost like a burden instead of a blessing.
The obsession to give out titles, like that is the driving force in every relationship is sometimes surreal. i get it, you love your significant other but you are sure if they are for real when they give you a title, understand this calling someone a boyfriend/girlfriend is still just a made up word. People focus most of their energy trying to live up to that word, to attain that position, to be labelled as such, to be given that title. With or without the title, the relationship still goes on as long as your feelings are true. No matter how many times we label a white stallion with a sharp horn on its forehead as a "unicorn", unicorns still do not exist in this world.
My idea of a relationship, it really doesn't matter what you call each other as long as everyone knows what to do, without stress or drama. Feelings growing stronger everyday.
Recently, i almost got into a semi argument with someone i was close to, her point "i do not see the need to call a girl boo, babe, darling, sweetheart" if you are not dating her. This set me off, what sort of myopic mindset is this. How did we just assume calling someone pet names guaranty a relationship status. Never argue with a girl is my motto, so i simply replied that i have lived in the UK for almost three years and it would shock her to know a total stranger might just call you a pet name. It is part of exchanging pleasantries especially if its in a service delivery store. "hey darling, yes love, take care sweetheart".you don't believe me, Google any restaurant, shop in the UK and just call them. So if a store sales rep calls me darling or love, it means she is into me, i am her man lover, black African prince mandingo and we are in a relationship, Story
How can people just assume a title defines a relationship? If you do not call me your boyfriend then we are not dating, if you do not call me the title "girlfriend or boo" then this is not official. Pure BS to be honest. Or some might say Calling me boo makes me know that i am yours and you are mine, i never knew humans could also be acquired? MINE? really?
If you are in a relationship, you get treated with respect, love, spoiled with attention, never get cheated on, why else would you want to leave because of a title?
In my opinion, if someone can make you happy, hold on to them.
The obsession to have a title gives you sense of security, security from what? what is there to secure? alien invasion on your relationship? intergalactic war? sense of security how? i still do not get why people say that or it makes you know your place, your place? i can only assume you did not just move into your new place to have forgotten where it is, we have map apps to help us find your place.
If they call you boo or not, and your heart is no more in the relationship, the titles would not change anything, it would not fix things neither would it bring dead feelings back to life. Same thing goes for a situation where the title is given, it doesn't remotely affect how you treat the person you are with or how much you love them.
Title or not, a relationship is not defined  by it but by the people involved in the relationship.
Focus more on your partner or significant other than the pet names they call you or the titles you give them.
To be continued..........................

THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

The year was 2010, school work had completely taken over my social life. No friends just colleagues and suffice to say, living a boring life had become more acceptable. It was like the only choice, infact it was my only choice. Acceptance!! Wake up, live a boring life through out the day, hit the sheets at night as a boring guy, have boring dreams and start the boring day afresh again, the next day. 

During a late night session in the school library, a colleague and dear friend suggested we take a road trip to "Reading". Road trip? What happened to trains? It is just half an hour via train, so!!!! Somehow he confused me and then convinced me about the road trip and I was game. It was supposed to be roughly an hour by road but we eventually spent 4hours. We left London late, during rush hour. He was driving, he had his girlfriend at the passenger seat in front and me, I was at the back. 3 is a crowd like they always say but obviously when it comes to mad raves, the more the merrier. We were hitting Reading to party like rockstars. And yes, as a boring guy, I had no date. We somehow believe "there shall be a single girl at the rave to peruzz with".

About 45mins away from Reading, it was dark and the journey just seemed long. I needed to pee. Oh did I mention, we had 3 cocktail flask in the car that had concoction in them. Every guys knows the power of ether and urine. Bloody enemies. I politely asked my dear friend to stop the car, a brother had to pee. He refused, giving a crazy excuse. I figured the dude was scared because it was dark, he didn't want to spook his girlfriend out.

I couldn't hold it in, I needed to pee badly to which he went off on me, if I needed to pee that bad, I should pee in any empty flask. He was not stopping at all.

Some people do not undertsand the power of piss, I was already twitching, full body shaking like I was doing a new dance move, my toes were curling. This was it, the end of my life. And if they ask, how did it happen.. He passed out from holding his own piss. My bladder!! So I took the only option offered to me. I took a piss in the cocktail flask, I didn't check If it was empty or not. I didn't say a word in the car. I just emptied what I can only assume to be 50cl of pure concentrated man piss inside the cocktail flask. Ohhh sweet paradise, the joy, peace, serenity. The burden was lifted. We finally got to Reading and I did not tell him what I did or anyone. I planned on throwing the piss away but I forgot. Later that night, whilst in the company of other friends sharing stories and getting ready for the party. My friend decided it was time to finish his cocktail. 3 flask and I did not know which one had my concentrated man piss inside. So he took one of the flask, opened it (just so you know, everything at this point happened in slow motion). Poured the contents into a cup and drank it all, I was wishing it was indeed the cocktail. He made facial gestures and finally boasted on making the best cocktail. I was relieved, it wasn't my piss. He beckoned on the other friends to try it, 2 dudes and 2 girls drank from the cocktail flask, not too much but enough for everyone to have a sip except me. I opted out. When the cocktail flask he was holding was empty, he proceeded to open the remaining two. Lo and behold, they were empty. They all drank my piss. 3 grown ass men and 2 beautiful girls drank my piss.

Moral of the story, never leave London during rush hour. Traffic is mad that period.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH LILLY

A lot of boys would never admit to this, they still want to act macho to save face, so on behalf of the boys around the world that got played by a girl, sorry got beaten up by a girl. This is dedicated to you. Maybe different situations but the end result is still the same. I was physically abused by a girl.
This happened summer 2008, still a freshie. On the "I don't get to shit" grind. Omo butty boy. I met a girl from IUO. Had a borrowed flower name... "Lilly". I figured she was ok, skin glowed under the sun. Oral english on point. She was the definition of a hottie. Jackpot, I kept telling myself. So we had this summer fling that lasted for 4days and on the 4th day, I discovered how much of a fighter she was.
No matter what you do as a dude, never ever settle two girls fighting. It is not hot in any form. There is nothing sexy about it. The dangerous girls to watch out for are the short beautiful girls. They are walking canons. Back to my story, we were having drinks at sage (hotel/bar). Everything was going great, till another girl walked by, stopped, gave "lilly" the look.
Let me define the look, according to girls, they say the look can be seen as "I shall fuck every dude in your family and you can't do shit about it bitch" "who the fuck are you, I can probably feed you and your family for a year" and some other ridiculous definitions I shall not bore you with.
So this girl gives "lilly" the look and walks away. Lilly laughs out loud, whilst holding on to my hand real tight, I should add that, the bone that gives my left hand formation suffered minor fracture. In my head, I was like.. Shii is about to go down. With hot tears by the corner of my eyes. I didn't even realise when I called "Lilly" aunty.. Can I be excused? She then gave me the look.
The look as defined by a dude "if you leave, your balls would suffer" "dare walk away and no sex for you for a year" "I would cock tease you and then fall asleep leaving you with a hard on" or "whatever you decide to do, think about it carefully, this may be the last time you ever get to make such decision again because in the end, I still own your likkle ass, bitch." Jokes apart, you actually hear the word bitch in your head. Anyways, she gave me the look but a nicca had to hit the rest room real quick to escape all the tension and lament to the bathroom mirror on the already fractured bone, I was going to drop her home and never call her again. I was gone for 5mins when I heard a loud bang on the bathroom door. I came out, saw the bar man, he said "the lady you were with, has been asked to leave the bar" she is outside waiting for you. I did not even bother asking why. I paid the bill and walked out to meet her. Making my way to where I parked my car, I could see two girls going at it, screaming really loud. Words like "weyrey" "oloshi" "ode ni". I was astonished, ah what happened to my sweet Lilly, now a yoruba speaking warrior?? Did I mention Lilly was wearing this low cut top (I don't know the name girls call it) and something else I can only describe to be a jacket and the other girl had another shirt like material thing on. Oh well, in my head, I was like dude go separate them before it gets worse. Mind you, these girls were heavily equipped with mammary gland goodness. Perfect cue to be the perfect judge. The plan was to jump into the middle and end it all, maybe just maybe hold on to something soft for support.
All I can remember was stepping in, blanking out and 30mins waking up with a pounding headache.
I lost 30minutes of the fight that till date I don't even know why it started in the first place.
According to an eye witness (the bar man). Who followed me to make sure I got the girls to stop fighting after I paid the bill, he said and I quote "you got in to settle them and then the girl you were with got a bottle and then smashed your head with it" you fell to the ground chanting "Lilly why? Lilly why?" And then passed out and inbetween they stepped on you whilst still fighting. Got tired and then they made up!! The girl you were with got into the other girls car and they drove off.
I don't know how Lilly got a bottle, or do girls carry bottles in their bags?
Suffice to say, the girls disappeared and left me there on the floor.
I have been looking for Lilly since, because in my place of origin. If an elder falls to the ground because of you, a cow must be killed. I need my killed cow. Times are hard and for some reason I have been craving suya. Lilly, if you are reading this. You owe me a cow.
Moral of the story, if you see two fine girls fighting, please don't play the hero and separate them. Watch from a distance. If possible, buy pop corn, coke, get a chair, call other friends over and enjoy the show.

CHEATING: EMOTIONAL versus PHYSICAL

Cheating, this word alone has destroyed great relationships and ended marriages. Sometimes it stirs up rage, anger, bitterness, depression and ultimately revenge.

More also, the act does not cause enough damage alone as much the effect on who is concerned and who is being cheated on. This raises the one million dollar question, why do people cheat? And for many years, researchers and observers have tried so hard to pin point the actual reason people go on with it. Some have blamed cheating solely on the man/male gender citing his insatiable desire for sex and others have further stated either the love in the relationship is gone or no more excitement, it is boring or simply both parties want something different. It has being an acceptable myopic yet totally false idea that all men cheat, which almost leaves the women population out of the question. Do women cheat also? And if they do, why?

Further more, from articles and stories from around the world claims have been made that the only reason a woman would cheat would be because she is not getting enough attention, care, love and so on.  But in all fairness, does it still make it right?

I often hear people say 99% of men would cheat on their spouses in the span of their relationship and the remaining 1% that is safe, happens to be VIRGINS, which by myth, hardly exist or appear every 100 years, just kidding but this is serious, in spite of all these reasons, no one has been able to figure out why people cheat.

What do you say is responsible for a man cheating on his loving, sexy and beautiful wife? Or a lady cheating on her caring and ever providing boyfriend? Do we overlook the fact that these people have all the rest of the world is searching for and yet jeopardize that by compromising all they have shared and built over the years? In my opinion, yes I said it; my opinion… people cheat because of greed. The need to want more or what I like to call the “oliver twist” syndrome, not being contented with what you have. You have it all, what more do you want? It still does not make up for half the nonsense people cite as reasons for infidelity.

Now I have your attention, ignore my personal views and sit back as we go HAM (hard as a mother*****) on this.

 Cheating can only be in two forms: emotional cheating and physical cheating. It is not my intention to sound bias but 80% of statistics have shown men are prone more to physical cheating and women, emotional cheating. So what then is emotional cheating and what is physical cheating? How do we handle it?

Emotional cheating implies no physical intimacy is involved and it is often referred to as the “affair of the heart”. It usually starts off from friendship and slowly with time builds into something solid. The emotional bond is often constantly built in/with time and effort. Constant meeting up and time spent away from your partner, sharing of intimate issues, problems, daily activities that may start off as a way of keeping in touch or breaking the ice. The need to share important dates, hang out or go sight seeing, build up memories and moments with someone else other than your partner, the emotional dependency (which may include happiness, joy, peace, laughter, comfort, sense of belonging and safety) on someone else other than your partner. In summary, it is when you invest emotionally into someone that is not your partner. It always, ALWAYS starts off innocent, either from just a compliment to drinking coffee at your favorite Starbucks, having a shared interest in a particular genre of music, book author, artist, art, movies. BBM conversations, Skype calls, SMS and phone calls.  It may start off with “just checking up on you and how did your day go?” and then you find yourself revealing deep things about yourself to them.  People often say that as long as sex is not involved then it is not consider cheating but it is. Emotions can create desires as well and when you get emotionally attached to someone other than your partner, whatever relationship you have with your partner slowly dies. You may even be in the same room with your partner and still emotionally cheat on them. Having this in mind, does this suggest that negligence from a partner can be the driving force for emotionally cheating on them??

An ex once asked me few years ago, what I would prefer, being emotionally cheated on or physically? As a man, I replied emotionally because I can never deal with the physical cheating but to my surprise she revealed she would rather much be cheated on physically, although it is never easy to forgive but with time you can deal with it but when it comes to emotional cheating, you have already ended the relationship in your head, maybe just too scared to walk away. Wow, that left me shocked. Few days later, we ended the relationship because she discovered I was emotionally attached to a close friend of mine, nothing sexual just in an uncomfortably close way. Further inquiry to how we got to that point showed how I stopped sharing with her my life and the activities in it, how I choose my phone above everything, always chatting and laughing away while she would be sitting in the same room as me, always calling just to talk to this “close friend of mine”, stay on Skype for hours discussing ideas on life, aspirations and dreams, setting up dates to see new movies, trying out new restaurants and so on… then the constant arguments with my ex started, we fought about anything and everything, guess who was on my speed dial afterwards? The same “close friend” and she would talk me into calming down and sometimes suggest ways of appeasing my ex. And then the denial that it was never anything more regardless of how emotionally attached I was, in my head I was in a loving relationship with my ex but in reality, I was emotionally involved with someone else. Bummer! 

I know what some of you readers may be thinking or let me just assume this, how could i emotionally depend on someone else when i was already involved in a relationship, let me shock you. For people who are still in relationships, at one time you may have cheated emotionally on your partner. think on/of this: all those moments where you would rather tell your "close friend of the opposite sex" about your problems other than your partner, that moment where you cant wait to get off work or go on breaks just so you can fill in the "close friend" about how your day is going, the calls just to say hi and end up talking for hours while you hardly call your partner, basically doing almost everything you would do with your partner but with your "close friend" instead, excluding sex. You have just emotionally cheated on them. we are all guilty of this! 

However you choose to analyse this, know that slowly but surely for every time you place your emotions (happiness, sadness, anger, joy, admiration, serenity etc) in the care of someone else other than your partner, you are creating a barrier between you and your partner. It may not be intentional but in due time, the effects may result to  deliberate actions. I am not against having people you can trust or talk to but only you can dictate the role they play in your life and how much you are willing to let them in.

With Physical Cheating, there is nothing much to define or explain here because as the name implies, there is physical intimacy. Sex is involved.  Men say physical cheating hurts more because it is in the nature of a man to relate to everything on a physical basis first. A man would not care who you talk to let alone have conversations with but he would be bothered about the number of other men that noticed you, your dress, your hairstyle or how many men made passes at you. There is always the need to mark our territory. Physical cheating would hurt a man more because in his subconscious, he has to relive every moment that led up to and after the cheating, studying carefully scene after scene and often ending with the conclusion that he was never good enough to keep the woman grounded. I think in every man’s head, physical cheating is a deliberate act; it is something you do with your eyes opened. It is premeditated and executed.

So where do we draw the line? A woman would sometimes if not always forgive a man for cheating on her physically but not emotionally and a man would forgive a woman for cheating on him emotionally and not physically. What the fuck is going on? This leaves you even more confused.

I am not limiting any form of cheating to a particular gender, having laid all my ideas on the table; anyone can cheat in any form given the situation of things or circumstance. It happens. But like I said in the beginning, sometimes it not about the act itself but the effects of the act, what it implies and how you react to it.

For whatever reason you may have for cheating, it is never good enough. It would have been better you remained single than to decide to start something beautiful, a beautiful love story and taint it with cheating.

In my opinion, cheating in any form is WRONG! It simply means you do not value your relationship. You place desire over responsibilities.

In conclusion, if you can save what you have left of your relationship please do. If ending it and starting afresh would make things right, please i encourage you do that also. If you are getting attached emotionally to someone else, only you can shut it down. Cheating in any form would hurt, definitely. Always protect the people you love. 

Please share your views on emotional cheating and physical cheating.  

THE EXPERIENCE: BIRTH, DEATH & REBIRTH

The love below...

Oh the sweet smell of salvation from a distance; with the mystical powers possessed by the heightened human senses, I had an epiphany of my future liberation. But just like the sense of smell I wasn’t so sure how long it’ll last while busy trying to ascertain the pinpoint direction.

I was perplexed, having never seen something so alive, couldn’t curb my enthusiasm as I saw you walk down the corridors and made it straight for me or so I thought before realising I was standing right in front of your room door.

 Just like a revelation, she unfolded as the laminating power of light splashed on her face like a waterfall. She was beautiful and had an aura so strong it was like I never used cologne before, just then and there I knew it, there was something about this girl that could light up my world, split seconds passed like months as I tried not to look too much at you. Well, on the ironic it was her friend that caught my eyes coincidentally. Getting acquainted was like a rush of blood to the head because it made me so weak I thought I was going to faint.

Time seemed to move slowly as I got acquainted with every friend of a friend within a 20-mile radius. Interest on the other girl was striking me all up but deep within I knew who I would rather be caught dead having around me. Time went by and I got more into the rat race game not knowing that sooner than I thought destiny struck and we had an argument that caused the most renowned cold war yet

 Yes! My chance had come to reveal myself explicitly to the one person I have thought of more than my family. My new love interest and divine incarnate of my very own all-purpose mind.

How did I ever screw that up?  Answer: I was afraid, knowing it was my sole purpose to push away the things I loved so that I never feel guilty about living a morally unstable but yet fulfilling life, making myself believe that I was alone in the world and love from anybody besides myself was highly overrated.

How could I ever deserve her?  Answer: truth is, I did not hence recent truth unfolded. The truth they say is like time, it hurts (freakishly excruciating) but it will always speak (volumes). Well that was how I solved the mystery behind sitting down with the help of Smirnoff vodka, red bull and One republic’s Waking up album playing in the background wondering how the fuck did I get a lifetime of black chocolate raindrops (most times bitter but has more addictive aura, over zealous impediment to quit and check myself into rehab) falling cats and dogs all around me and I limited myself to the little spill (thank God for purposeless, multidirectional wind) along the way, simply because of my good status modality with full option umbrella protection and emotional defence system. 

The upside of conditional love (the remission)

I was reckless and foolish; perfection was motivation, anger, romance, power, needs, wants, and compatibility. How could someone want so many things all at once? Were the candy raindrops not enough? Or was I just looking for heaven in an angel. I blew it! I built this fortress around me and made it difficult for you to get in because I was afraid you would one day realise that I didn’t deserve you. I was weak, defensive but in love

Nonetheless, I was sorry for trying to underestimate your love or over estimate your tolerance (when I know your just human). For defending my love when I know it was only your love that could exonerate me for breaking your heart, for making you cry, lying, wining and dinning with one or two, getting high and fighting, rewinding time and predicting a selfish future just for u.

 I don’t deserve you or your love.. I fell short as opposed to your care and I’m brutally behind the line with your accommodation and appreciation of my effortless pseudo-zeal to love u.

God gave you to me as my very own guardian angel and ever letting you go is a product of my depreciation for God and His purpose for my life. I should have been the man but instead I chose to be the god and i wasn’t even remotely immortal (who does that?). I became indifferent towards your feelings for no justifiable reason, undermining that one of the roles of a real man is to serve and please his woman.

I was not a perfect man.. I try but I haven’t lived in this world order before not even a dejavu. I was agitated, afraid of commitment and intensely emotional in more ways than necessary. It felt like immaculate nature had its boundaries on me, getting all your love and care like that (I often go like ''mi otipoju'). Every mistake is a solved puzzle to your uncertain but purposeful destiny. In the spirit of these words I sincerely unfold, I am not good enough for you and you appear almost faultless. But I thank God that He still let me get the experience. 

                                                             

 The ironic chronicles (hype and demise) 

 "For everything under the sun, there is a time and a season, a time to sow..." I will live my fragile life and make sure I don’t burn the bridges that led me to you. The day I feel like I deserve you alongside my utterly crumbling world of pride, I will tell the world what it felt like to be loved by you. If I never get the feeling then I would augment to that theory; what it feels living for the love of you and doing it all wrong because of ignorance and unwillingness to learn. Let this serve as a lesson to anyone reading this.. Love is like a piece of artwork; it doesn’t speak in human vocabulary but speaks volumes. Nonetheless everybody has an opinion but you must speak, most importantly it always tells you what you want to hear (modality is limitless) as long as its true and you believe in it. 

This experience I will never forget or regret, it hurt me and healed me, and you were my 6th sense, 7th wonder of my archived life experiences, my humanity, my cure to desert places, my intervention, my gift and my curse, my history, my err and my mercy and my hearts intent. I have learnt my lesson and I have come to the conclusion that you were more than a woman. You were divine! and i lost you. oh sweet chocolate raindrops. 

SEX OR LOVE: WHAT IS YOUR DRUG?

Sex, words alone cannot adequately describe the feeling or the experience.  The biting, screaming, moaning, scratching, nibbling, licking, sucking, swallowing, touching, fast or slow, up or down, in and out. If done right is quite addictive and also destructive. Sex indeed is a beautiful yet destructive and powerful drug. The desire to always want more, the need to try something new or have a new experience could be fodder for cheating. Although there is no cogent reason for cheating, explosive sex can lead to a serial affair with multiple partners.

In a relationship, what is more important, sex or love?

Some might argue to their last breath that sex is as important as love while others say sex could wield more control over a person / relationship than love. Suffice it to say that love and sex can control anyone as independent factors or when combined. In simple terms: love and/or sex can make people do a lot of crazy sh**t.

Why do people cheat? Perhaps something is missing, either the love in the relationship has gone cold turkey (no more sparks flying or butterflies flying) or the sex is nothing worth having anymore. It just got too boring. We find out that when people stay in a relationship for so long, they get too comfortable to be adventurous, they choose not to try new methods. Note the keyword “comfortable”. The need and desire for that raw animalistic pleasure, that fierce attraction one's partner is seemingly not capable of providing anymore pushes a good many to stray.

Regardless of how much they may love their partner, they still stray, “comfortable” is no longer cool. They want the risks,almost craving it to the point of madness. That feeling of avoiding getting caught, that rush and excitement sometimes tends to heighten the pleasure making it more addictive. It’s the choice of one drug over the other.

First time, I watched 'love and hip-hop Atlanta', I went to bed mad and furious. I was taking other people’s problems way too personal. A fascinating character in my own opinion gave a clear example of how sex as a drug can ruin love.  Although this said character has a baby with the love of his life of almost a decade yet he had strayed with the artist he was producing. The love he felt for his baby mama wasn’t enough to keep him in check. He needed that raw passion. Insanely enough, the girl he strayed with was a former stripper. Imagine the wild thoughts in his head, all the freaky things he would do to/with her. On countless occasions his baby mama wanted to walk away but he kept holding her back; his addiction to the 'sex drug' was taken full control over the effect of the 'love drug'. My argument, how do you forfeit the love of a lifetime for few hours of sex? What happens to the relationship?  He later tried to fix what he had with his baby mama but in reality, he would still stray because he is addicted to one drug, except his value system changes. 

Someone once said you cant have both, one has to rule over the other. Sex over love, love over sex. Just pure sex and no love, strictly love and no sex. One drug would always rule over the other. You can try to combine both drugs  and the effect is almost ecstatic but with time, one drug will rule over the other.

In modern relationships, partners have being able to distinguish the basis and foundation of their relationships. While others start off as sex partners or fuck buddies and end up lovers, in some less fortunate relationships they start off as lovers and end up as sex buddies and in rare cases they start off as lovers and have amazing sex to the point when even though the sex is a bit crappy, they hope their love for each other keeps it going.

The honest truth is you cannot always be in love with your partner all the time, the same way you cannot always have mind blowing amazing sex with them all the time. One drug for every situation, one drug would always have control over the other. Question is, what drug do you choose?

Can a relationship filled with love survive bad sex considering the amount of years put in the relationship but the partners have become too comfortable and yet they always seem to want more? Sadly it is difficult, especially with different distractions, stories and tales of amazing sex (or how to have amazing sex) thanks to the media, swinger-clubs and orgies. At the end of the day, it comes down to what drug they value more, sex or love?  Let me indulge you further, it is possible to be in a relationship and have crappy sex but decide to stay with your partner regardless because you value how they make you feel emotionally than how they satisfy you sexually. Some partners consider happiness to be the prime of a relationship, they would rather settle for someone who makes them happy, makes them feel safe, appreciates them in every way and not pay attention to how crappy the sex is. You find out most times this type of relationship is common amongst the oldies (older couples). Allow me to paint this picture and don’t judge. “Two 80 year old's can afford to stay happy and madly in love, even hoping they die together without ever considering the possibility of having sex and even when they do (consider they are old, they are fragile) and it is not animalistic and full of raw passion they still stay together in love, they choose love as a drug over sex.”

At the end of the day, your value system is the key. What drug do you value the most?

If in a relationship, sex is valued more and your partner is not giving you that raw passion or they are not what you expected them to be in the bedroom, chances are the relationship would eventually end on the premise that the sex was horrible even though you were madly in love with them, vice versa.

Great sex can never guaranty you love, since its basically based on physical attraction, what happens when you lose your looks? When your beauty fades? When you put on weight? Can you still keep the person that gives you amazing sex without any emotional attachment then?

What drug do you choose, sex or love?

Love as a drug can do wonders. 68% of women claim they only enjoy sex to the point of climax (that sounds old) with people they are in love with.  So this means, no matter how good you are in bed or at sex, for some women if they are not in love with you or feel anything emotional towards you, it might as well be a very boring series of event.  Like I said, 68%. I didn’t say all women. And that’s a rough estimate.

This may not work for everyone but they say if two people are truly in love, no matter how crappy their sex life is, they can always make it work. Put in more effort, having the notion in their hearts that “practice makes perfect”. Constantly trying to make it work till they get it right. Remember I said, love not sex. Love!

No matter your drug of choice, make sure in the long run you can be happy with your decision.  Good sex is not hard to find, great sex is as easy as having a one night stand with random people or strangers that leave you gasping for air, sweaty, out of breath and satisfied. What happens the morning after or when they have to go and you realize it was all about the sex, nothing more. You are left as lonely as you were before your passion filled night, alone trying to fill that empty void you thought sex could fill.

So ask yourself this, when push comes to shove, what would be your drug of choice...