Some days love exists and other days, it is
just a myth.
I check my
watch again, 9:45pm; time had suddenly stopped. I splash my face with cold
water running from the sink tap to make sure I was not dreaming again. Shade is
pregnant!
I check the
result again on the pregnancy strip; she is actually pregnant, Jesu. Almost
like a shitty scene in a nollywood movie, I began to think back, my thoughts
were in black and white.
Shade was the
person I called home; she was the definition of love. To me, shade was the
embodiment of an angel in human flesh. We planned a life together. Her parents
seemed to like me and most of my family members accepted her also. Shade was
the only girl I could boost of that had my heart on lock down.
Shade rocked
my world, it seemed only right that I envisioned a life with her in it but
this, a child before marriage? What was I supposed to do now? As I walk slowly
to where shade was sitting crying her eyes out, I realized I wanted to be with
her even more, it felt right that the girl I was crazy about was carrying a
bundle of joy, a perfect combination of us. I held her hands, wiped her tears
and reassured her of my devotion and love. Shade looked at me like life had
been restored to her but we had one worry; my parents. Nothing in this world
frightened me more than the two individuals I called my parents. My dad was an
old soldier and my mum, a therapist. I had high level of moral upbringing
installed into me, it was more than good parenting, and there was no room for
mistake. How on earth was I supposed to tell them that the son they expected
perfection from had gotten a girl pregnant? As we contemplated on the next step
to take, my mind began to flash back on all the times I erred and the extreme
measure my retired soldier father took to ensure correction. With a promising
future in the family business, I was about to lose my position, my name, my
privileges.. Torn between losing the luxury I was used to and the girl I saw in
my future, tears rolled from my eyes. I have always been anti abortion; I
cursed the day I decided to have sex without a condom, the sweetest feeling I
experienced, the addiction to it and my obsession. Skin to skin was my devil
and now it was time to pay the pied piper.
One week
after hearing the news, I was suffering from insomnia; I couldn’t eat or stay
calm. I lost weight, for someone who wanted to be independent; I still needed
my father’s connection in securing a good job even if the family business
couldn’t accommodate me. How was I supposed to survive? Providing for my new
family? Shade kept me sane, reassuring me of how love would keep us together;
she became my strength in my hour of weakness. I scrapped my savings, got a new
apartment and the life of hardship began.
Two weeks
after I discovered shade was pregnant, I summoned the courage to inform my
parents about the news, they wanted me to get married and give them grand
children, this was a double blessing; marry shade with a baby inside her. The
fear of my father is the beginning of fear and humility, i recited my speech
over and over and over again until the day I finally broke the news to him, my
father said nothing but shook his head and walked away. Right there on my seat,
my world crumbled, I knew what that meant and without any word, I left my family
house never to show my face again. Shade became my strength in my hour of
weakness.
Shade was all
I had now, every night she cried herself to sleep and sometimes I cried with
her too, she knew what I had lost, what I had given up. Shade was in her final year
and she had to defer her admission, her dream and aspiration was put on hold,
our world became a rock! The love that was blossomed began to struggle.
Everyday was a battle but somehow we worked through it all. she also was in so
much pain.
We needed more
money, so I picked up an extra shift at my work place. Day and night, I worked
so hard to provide food on the table. I put shade In this position, so I felt
it was my responsibility to provide for her every need. Her job was to stay
home and relax.
All efforts
to contact my father and ask forgiveness proved impossible, I remember going to
my family house and my father asked the security guard to keep me under the
sun, I waited for my father in the same house I grew up in. I was an outcast; I
had brought shame to the good family name. My father came out of the house,
looked at me, got into his car and drove off. 3 hours under the sun waiting for
him and he just left me like that, like I meant nothing. I cried so hard that
day. I was certainly not the first to get a girl pregnant, there was no fight
between families, I was doing the right thing by trying to marry her before the
pregnancy was pronounced but in all I felt like a disgrace.
This was my
cross and I was going to carry it, shade became my strength in my hour of
weakness.
November 12th,
exactly 2 months after I discovered shade was pregnant, I had worked my ass off
day and night to provide for my new family, my father had publicly humiliated
me by disowning me in a popular newspaper. I felt my world crumble to my feet
but shade became my strength in my hour of weakness.
Shade sent me
an SMS on this fateful day “babe, I am at the hospital, I felt a sharp pain in
my tummy, I went to check it and I am still waiting for the doc to give me
feedback. I am fine, no need to worry. See you soon”.
At that
moment, I got worried even more; I hurriedly put on my clothes and went to the
hospital. On getting there, I met shade sitting in the waiting room, when our
eyes met, she stood up looking pissed. Walked over to where I was and began
throwing tantrums. I thought I asked you not worry. What are you doing here?
Please go back home. I was confused; I didn't know what was going on, I have
never seen my shade like this before. She kept talking and pushing me out of
the hospital. I did not get what I did wrong by coming to the hospital to see
my wife to be.
And in that
mini moment of struggle, I saw a nurse walking towards us and calling shade's
name. Shade ignored the nurse and was bent on taking me out of the hospital.
I decided to
stand my ground, was something wrong with the baby that shade did not want me
to find out? I was able to get a grip of shade to calm her down, the nurse
caught up with us and told her the result of the test; the doctor suggested it
was nothing to worry about, she should just avoid fatty food, it is not good
for a woman that is six months pregnant to eat a lot of fatty food because of
her high cholesterol level.
All I heard
was SIX MONTHS pregnant!! I asked the nurse again if she made a mistake, she
said no. Mrs. shade has been a patient in their clinic, and she is 6 months
pregnant. And as if that wasn't enough, the nurse asked about her husband,
Kenneth. And the only Kenneth I knew was my best mate.
Then it hit
me, 8 months ago, I traveled for a course and I came back 3 months before shade
told me she was pregnant. During the time, I asked my best mate to keep my
girlfriend company. I did not feel threatened at all. Only for my best mate to
get my girlfriend pregnant they got married and I wasn't aware, 6 months
pregnant for another man and yet she made me take responsibility for it. I lost
everything, where do I begin.
November 12th.
Some days love exists and other days, it is
just a myth.
